Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…
“The Trump parallels are so embarrassingly obvious. As soon as Will’s character said that he hopes the chief ‘builds that wall’, I immediately knew where the rest of this was headed. Then it gets even more embarrassing when he reveals that he gets his news from...a fox. GET IT? ‘CAUSE TRUMP GETS ALL HIS NEWS FROM FOX NEWS!!! DUH-HUH, WE’RE SO FUNNY!!!! And in case you didn’t get it, he says that the rest of the family gets their news from a peacock. LIKE NBC!!!! GET IT??!!!???” (from Will Ferrell/King Princess, 2019)
This is, without a doubt, one of the worst sketches I’ve ever reviewed. I still have no idea what they were going for with this one.
Cold Open: Executive Orders
President Trump signs many executive orders.
• Opening up with a text crawl…this is gonna suck.
• I actually got a genuine laugh from Trump talking about how Elmo has been apprehended by ICE, and that it was brought to us by the letter “L”, for “El Salvador”.
• We get “spooky” music when Mikey enters as Stephen Miller? How scathing! At least it’s better than portraying him as a snake like they did that one time.
• Trump just mentioned Kylo Ren! It’s funny because he would have never seen those movies!!!
• Another surprise laugh from me when Trump mentions Childish Gambino as an example of an Italian-American.
• Nice slam at Bill Belichick.
• Again with the Marco Rubio shit? Please stop it!!!
• Overall, your usual Trump shit, even though I laughed a frighteningly large number of times.
Monologue
Quinta sings about being short.
• Our 1,000th musical monologue of the season. Sheesh, is it Season 36 again?
• At least there’s some hot gals as backup dancers instead of using the cast.
• What the fuck is with all of the Sabrina Carpenter shilling lately? I hate it!!! Can we go at least one episode without a pointless cameo????
• Make that TWO pointless cameos, because now we have Dwayne Wade for some reason.
• Pointless Marcello appearance to make the TikTok fan girls in the audience happy.
Sketch: Will & Todd’s Radical Experience
Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman refuse to go back in time.
• A Bill and Ted parody in 2025? I fail to see the point. I also don’t understand why they couldn’t use the actual names.
• Andrew and Marcello are at least perfect in these roles.
• I agree with Jesse Nathan’s opinion that Chloe’s Queen Elizabeth voice is terrifying.
• What is Mikey going for with that Italian accent? Guess we can add that to the list of accents he can’t do!
• As soon as I saw Douglass and Tubman, I knew what the joke of this sketch was going to be.
• I certainly understand the point they’re trying to make here, but is a Bill and Ted parody really the best outlet for racial commentary?
• I feel like we’ve barely seen Devon lately.
• Epic special effect failure at the end where the smoke from the time machine gets cut off by the background layer.
Fake Ad: OnlySeniors
An elderly couple tells their children about their new life insurance policy…a seniors’ version of OnlyFans.
• Uh…what a concept…
• Quinta’s performance is really good.
• The scenes of old people getting freaky with each other are honestly kind of disgusting.
• I thought I would like this more than I did, but it was a little too bland and focused way too much on the shock value.
Sketch: Leadership Summit
Product pitches go haywire.
• Emil with a lead role!!!
• The way some of the characters are dressed is giving me bad vibes…
• I don’t get all of this sandwich talk.
• Kenan’s horrible wig made me think that this was Jimmy Fowlie’s work, but, apparently, the Please Don’t Destroy guys wrote it.
• Stop trying to make Marcello and Kenan a duo, SNL. It ain’t funny!
• Bowen brings back that horrible doctor character he played in that cookie sketch with Ryan Gosling. All you need to know is that this character still isn’t funny.
• Definitely a contender for one of the worst sketches of the season.
Sketch: Ferry Altercation
I love rehashes! Do you love rehashes?
• Yep, that’s right! We’ve got yet another installment of this sketch that only worked the first time!
• Maybe this would have worked better if we didn’t already get an unnecessary reprisal of this sketch in the Martin Short episode?
• The dialogue is basically all rewritten from the original version, with Chloe’s “You suck!” line being changed to “You’re nuts!”, which isn’t nearly as funny.
• Random appearance from Colin at the end as himself. You see, the joke is that he has a ferry in real life, so let’s put him on this ferry! LOL XD!!!!!!!
• Man, this episode is just killing me so far.
Fake Ad: Forever 31
The clothing line that keeps you at 31 years old,
• Guys, you do realize that Forever 21 is gone now, right?
• Nothing too special so far, but I am getting some eye candy, so at least there’s that.
• Nice shot of Ashley in a giant David Byrne-esque suit.
• Heidi: “I make Diane Keaton…look like a prostitute.”
• The Jeff Probst line from Ashley was pretty funny.
• So far, this is the most tolerable thing I’ve seen in this episode.
Sketch: Two Bitches vs. A Gorilla
Two “bitches” attempt to ward off a gorilla.
• Not another text crawl opening…
• This is different. A sketch shot entirely from someone’s POV? You don’t see that every day.
• This ghetto humor is kind of old hat by this point, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t laugh at the GloRilla line, and there is a certain uniqueness to this premise.
• LOL at James’ zookeeper character and his Ronald Reagan wig.
• Did some of that fake poop land in Ego’s mouth? Ewwwww…..
• Ego: “Imma bout to beat the Gorilla Glue outta you!”
• Nice gravestone at the end: “Two Bitches: They Ain’t Even Do Nothin”
• For some reason, this stupid sketch actually made me laugh harder than anything else so far.
Musical Performance: “Sorry I’m Here For Someone Else”
Weekend Update (featuring Michael Longfellow and Two Applebee’s Barflies)
• I love the fake photo of Colin as Queen Elizabeth.
• That Kanye joke was so lame.
• Ah, another Longfellow commentary to provide us some relief.
• He gets in a jab about how little he’s been used this year.
• While not his best material, his interplay with Colin is good as always. Too bad this is the last Longfellow commentary I’ll get to cover.
• We’ll be getting a lot of Diddy jokes for the rest of the season. The one Che just told was very funny.
• Jesus Christ, what is with all of these “jokes” about killing animals???
• *groan* Bowen and Sarah again?!!??? Didn’t we just have them on last time? I am not looking forward to this pairing at all.
• You’ve gotta be kidding me with this shit. The annoying voices, the muggy performances, the corpsing, this is everything I complain about with these two rolled into a single commentary.
Sketch: Addicts Anonymous
A man freaks out during his AA meeting.
• Hmmm, I’m liking this performance from Kenan. It’s a subtler, more emotional performance that we’re not used to.
• Why is Mikey so perfect as a drug addict?
• I like Kenan referring to cocaine as “booger sugar”.
• The ending was a little abrupt, but, overall, this is one of Kenan’s best performances in a long time.
Musical Performance: “Mystical Magical”
Sketch: The Greats
An overlooked boxer named Jerry “Jackrabbit” Tulane is profiled on a sports documentary program.
• My first laugh came from JAJ’s ridiculous glasses.
• Seeing Quinta in drag as a boxer makes me weary, but let’s give it a chance.
• Turns out my fears about her being in drag were unfounded, because as soon as she started talking, I was on board.
• Longfellow has the perfect voice for this old-timey setting.
• This reminds me of that sketch from the episode Conan hosted in Season 26 where he played a boxer who kept getting beaten up.
• Quinta: “He’s so ugly that he went to the zoo and they charged him rent!”
• I like the casual mention of Quinta’s character getting busted for pedophilia.
• Great bit of realism with how Quinta is so battered by the end of the sketch that she can barely speak coherently.
• While not as iconic as the aforementioned Conan sketch, this is definitely a highlight of this weak episode.
Final thoughts: Man, these last few episodes have been killing me. And from what I remember of the next two, it looks like my tenure isn’t going to end on the best note.
Best sketches: Two Bitches vs. A Gorilla, The Greats
Worst sketches: Monologue, Leadership Summit, Ferry Altercation, Barflies commentary
Next review: Walton Goggins/Arcade Fire
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