Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…
“Overall, a surprisingly funny and sharp satire, especially with the advanced knowledge that COVID is no longer a national health emergency.” (from Amy Schumer/Steve Lacy, 2022)
Fun fact: Not long after I posted that review, I came down with a case of COVID myself!
Cold Open: Group Chat
In which SNL poorly attempts to parody that Signal group chat thing.
• Wow, here’s a very topical cold open that nobody will remember in three months!
• Nice to see Madison in the cold open. Oddly, there’s no applause when she shows up.
• “Banessa”? Do I detect Kent Sublette?
• Ugh, this Internet slang is the kind of shit I don’t want to hear on this show. Who is this even for???
• It’s sad to see Andrew reduced to performing in this garbage. He’s way better than that.
• Stop trying to make Bowen as JD Vance a thing. It isn’t funny, it’s not biting, and it certainly isn’t going to offend him like you clearly think it is.
• While I liked the change in format, that doesn’t change the fact that this is still a steaming pile of nonsense.
Monologue
The host talks about her new movie, her twin brother, and doing stunts.
• Having two Mikeys is gonna be a bit confusing, so I’ll just be referring to her by her last name.
• No idea what to think about those movie scenes where she gets set on fire.
• Is that guy really her twin or is it just a joke?
• And we end this with pole dancing? Okay, I think I’m gonna enjoy this host…
Sketch: Acting Teacher
Isn’t rehashing fun?
• We’re doing this sketch again? Come on, the previous one was only 10 episodes ago!!! But, hey, we gotta give the Marcello stans what they want, right?
• Marcello is playing this role much louder and broader than he did last time. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though, because his character is supposed to be whacked out.
• Love how Marcello’s headshots are his mugshot photos.
• Bowen: “Why is this class $2,000?”
• I love the line about Gordon Ramsay calling Madison a donut.
• The ending was kind of abrupt.
Film: Big Dumb Line
Waiting in lines in New York is the hot new activity to do.
• As soon as they started singing, I immediately skipped this sketch. There’s no point in me going over my hatred of Bowen and Chloe again, and this sketch has them doing their usual shenanigans that I’m sick of.
Sketch: Jury Duty
Idiots are interviewed for jury selection.
• Our latest variation of what I’ve decided to call “parade of idiots” sketches.
• Mikey appears to be wearing his Don Jr. wig here. Just you wait until the Jon Hamm episode…
• I groaned so loud at the appearance of Kenan’s character.
• Great line from Madison about how she was allegedly hit by Caitlyn Jenner’s car.
• I don’t know what to make of Sarah’s character. Again, I have to ask, what does SNL have against bisexuals?
• I like how Andrew’s bizarre man-bun wearing character gets sentenced to 16 months for trying to suck up to the judge.
• Glad we get to see JAJ’s impression of Jay-Z again, even if he isn’t downstairs.
• Bowen seems to be doing a Steven Seagal impression here. His scene was admittedly pretty amusing.
• Great callback to the Jay-Z thing from earlier when Jane says that he’s going to be dining at her restaurant.
• I criticized him earlier, but I do like how Kenan’s character suddenly appears next to the judge and asks to see Heidi’s nude photos.
• Seeing Chloe (playing herself for some reason) getting carried away by the bailiff for doing an annoying Parker Posey impression was so cathartic.
• Another great callback when Luigi Mangione shows up to clarify that he has indeed been receiving Heidi’s nudes.
• An otherwise pretty funny sketch is sadly ruined at the end by the pointless Marcello bit.
Film: Spring Break
Chaos in the background ruins a tense teen drama.
• Yet another variation of the Waffle House sketch? Are they going to be doing one every season now?
• Things have gotten desperate with Sarah vomiting on some dude.
• Okay, Madison jumping from the hotel balcony caught me off guard.
• They have Sarah vomit again at the end. A fitting end to a pointless sequel.
• And, for the record, I’m still not going to eat a house made of waffles. BEEEEEEEEF JELLY!!!!
Musical Performance: “I’m The Problem”
Weekend Update (featuring Devon Walker and Joann)
• When will the “seen here” jokes end?!?
• That Kash Patel photo never gets old.
• They HAD to throw in another “seen here” just to mock me!!!!
• Wow, a Donald Trump hamburger joke. So original!
• Great to see Devon doing another commentary as himself, and not as a celebrity for once. When was the last time he did a commentary as himself? His first season?
• While not the best commentary he’s ever done, it’s quick and it doesn’t overstay its welcome.
• I saw the punchline to the Will Smith joke coming from a mile away, but I still laughed.
• Another “Hear Me Out” segment, this time on Paddington Bear. This was better than the first, mainly because it involves Colin threatening to call ICE on him.
• Ashley Padilla finally gets a chance on Update after getting cut numerous times. She’s playing “Joann” from Jo-Ann Fabrics, a craft store that was closing all of its stores when this episode originally aired.
• “Closing a Jo-Ann’s in the suburbs is like closing a Planned Parenthood in a college town!!!” LOL!!!!!!
• This is definitely something Ashley has been trying to get on for a while, judging from how experienced she sounds here.
• I love all of the lines about the type of annoying hipsters that shop at Jo-Ann.
• Ashley’s liquor-induced freak out about how feminism is to blame for the death of her store is probably the best thing she’s done on the show so far. I see a lot of good things in her future!
Sketch: Pop’s Big Regret
A mob boss tells horrible jokes while dying.
• I’m glad that JAJ has been getting more airtime as of late. A huge step-up compared to how he was utilized in the first half of the season.
• I knew this was gonna be a great sketch as soon as Andrew entered doing a shitty Brando impression.
• Nice effects work when Andrew gets “shot”.
• This feels like a spiritual successor to that sketch from last year with Andrew as a David Caruso parody who wouldn’t stop making jokes at a crime scene.
• I admire the anti-humor in this piece. Kind of reminds me of something Fred Armisen would have done in his early seasons, before he got annoying and unfunny.
• Love Madison’s attempt at a New York accent.
• I actually think her character slowed this down a bit for me, as everything before that was undeniably stronger than the aforementioned Caruso sketch.
Musical Performance: “Just In Case”
Sketch: Midwife
An annoying character returns for no reason.
• Ugh, the return of this horrible Bowen character that literally nobody was asking to see again.
• This encapsulates everything I hate about Bowen Yang: his smug fucking face, his annoying voice, his slow-ass delivery, etc. In fact, let’s just move on to the next sketch before I go on a twenty-minute rant about Bowen.
Please Don’t Destroy: Mikey Madison Is Squidward
Madison wants to play Squidward in a pretape.
• Random sequel to that Shrek pretape with Bad Bunny, except this time the host wants to play Squidward.
• I like how she gets offended when Ben brings up the time Squidward ate all those Krabby Patties and it went to his thighs.
• Nice authentic SpongeBob style time card!
• Amazing visual of Ben as SpongeBob, although his laugh needs some work.
• Despite my hatred of SpongeBob memes, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a blast from the past. I especially love Martin’s depressed portrayal of Mr. Krabs, and the scene of John as Patrick at the doctor’s office made me chuckle too.
Sketch: So Like…What Are We?
A woman hosts a game show where she questions a man she’s dating.
• Great to see Longfellow with a lead role again.
• I like the “hungry for butt” text message.
• Longfellow’s deadpan voice is even funnier than usual. I get the feeling he wrote this.
• Did this have to get cut down for time? The ending was very abrupt.
SNL Animated Short: Planning New York
Two men imagine and plan out New York City.
• Another one of these, huh? Apparently, this has been in waiting since the Bill Burr episode.
• The animation is even worse in this one. Am I watching a shitty flash cartoon from Newgrounds?
• I can tell that’s you, Bowen. Your voice is hard to disguise!
• This seems to follow the exact same format as the last animated short, except there’s no slacker dude God in this one.
• Again with the random closeups?
• The actual humor is just a bunch of lame inside jokes about Manhattan that only people living there would get.
• Unsurprisingly, there hasn’t been another animated short on SNL since this one. There is one that got cut from the next episode, but more on that next time.
Final thoughts: There was some absolutely atrocious material in here (looking at you, Bowen!), but most of it was pretty average. Mikey Madison has to be one of the most wasted hosts in SNL history. All she did was play bland straight roles.
Best sketches: Jury Duty, Joann commentary, Pop’s Big Regret, Mikey Madison Is Squidward
Worst sketches: Cold Open, Big Dumb Line, Midwife, Planning New York
Next review: Jack Black/Elton John & Brandi Carlile
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