The Beatles Cartoon: A Guide To The Mixes (Seasons 2 & 3)

 Since Seasons 2 & 3 are so short, I decided to put their mixes into one post.

Season 2

“Eight Days A Week”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is missing the intro.

“Girl”: Mono mix, fades early. This song never became an episode.

“I’m Looking Through You”: US mono mix, minus the false starts at the beginning. Once again, John is incorrectly depicted as the singer.

“Help!”: Stereo mix, uncut. The mono mix has sloppier vocals, and it was that version which appeared in the movie. The sing-a-long version seen in Season 1 has a small edit near the end. This song was used as the theme song for Season 2, complete with the James Bond parody that precedes it on the American release.

“The Night Before”: Mono mix, the guitar part at the beginning is cut, and so is the solo. This song never became an episode.

“We Can Work It Out”: Mono mix, uncut.

“I’m Down”: Bizarrely, this song is at a lower pitch than it should be. Other than that, it’s the normal mono mix. This song never got a sing-a-long segment.

“Run For Your Life”: Once again, this song is at a lower pitch than it should be. The sing-a-long version also chops off the intro.

“Drive My Car”: Mono mix, uncut. This song was never made into a sing-a-long.

“Yesterday”: Mono mix, intro slightly trimmed. This song was never made into an episode.

“Tell Me What You See”: Mono mix, uncut. This song never got a sing-a-long.

“I Call Your Name”: Mono mix. Note how the cowbell starts right away during the intro. Stereo mixes of this song also have a different guitar.

“She’s A Woman”: US mono mix with extra reverb, uncut. This song was never made into an episode, and later reruns replace it with a repeat of “I Feel Fine”.

“The Word”: Mono mix, shortened. This song was never made into a sing-a-long.

“All My Loving”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long that aired in Season 1 cuts the instrumental break.

“Day Tripper”: Mono mix, uncut. Note how the tambourine briefly goes quiet to hide tape problems. The sing-a-long version is missing the intro.

“Nowhere Man”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is shortened.

“And I Love Her”: US mono mix. Note how Paul’s vocals are single-tracked for most of this version. This song was never made into an episode.

“Michelle”: Mono mix, heavily shortened. This song never got an episode.

“Paperback Writer”: Mono mix, uncut. Note the different echo at the end of the last verse.

Season 3

“Penny Lane”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version cuts out the trumpet break and part of the final chorus.

“Rain”: Mono mix. The intro, the second chorus, and the backwards vocal part are cut. This song was never made into an episode.

“Strawberry Fields Forever”: Mono mix. The Mellotron intro is missing, and the song ends right before we hear John’s infamous “cranberry sauce”. The sing-a-long version is even shorter, ending before the final verse.

“And Your Bird Can Sing”: Mono mix, uncut. This song was used as the theme song for Season 3.

“Got To Get You Into My Life”: Mono mix, fades early. The sing-a-long version is even shorter.

“Good Day Sunshine”: Mono mix, uncut.

“Ticket To Ride”: Mono mix, uncut. The song can also be heard in several Season 1 episodes, such as “I’ll Be Back”, where the evil mountain men play a screwed up, distorted version of it on stage.

“Taxman”: Stereo mix, countdown cut. Note how the cowbell starts during the second chorus. It starts before that in the mono mix. This song was never made into a sing-a-long.

“Here, There, And Everywhere”: Mono mix, second verse cut. This song was never made into an episode.

“Eleanor Rigby”: Stereo mix, uncut. Note how the ADT accidentally continues into the first verse. Also, you have to laugh at the fact that the episode shows The Beatles playing along with their guitars, even though there is not a single guitar in the song.

“Tomorrow Never Knows”: Stereo mix, uncut. Note the feedback whistle after the backwards guitar break. Speaking of the guitar, the episode depicts it as someone blowing a giant horn, for some reason. This song was never made into a sing-a-long.

“She Said She Said”: Mono mix, shortened. This song was never made into an episode.

“I’ve Just Seen A Face”: Mono mix, uncut. This song was never made into a sing-a-long.

“Wait”: Mono mix, uncut.

“I’m Only Sleeping”: US mono mix. This version is missing a lot of the backwards guitar parts, and, in fact, was released before the song even came out in Britain. Since this is the last episode, there was no sing-a-long made for it.

The Beatles Cartoon: A Guide to the Mixes (Season 1)

 It’s been a long time since I made a post about this show, but I’m on a Beatles kick right now, so let’s do it.

Anyway, one unique thing about the Beatles cartoons is their unusual mixes of each song featured. While the show was in mono, a lot of the songs use their stereo mixes folded down to mono. Others were heavily chopped down for time.

“A Hard Day’s Night”: Mono mix. The instrumental break is missing, though it does appear in the intro for Season 1.

“I Want To Hold Your Hand”: Mono mix, uncut

“Do You Want To Know A Secret”: Mono mix, uncut 

“If I Fell”: Mono mix. Note how John’s intro is single-tracked instead of double-tracked like it is in the stereo version. Unfortunately, the song is heavily butchered, swapping the first and second verse for no apparent reason, and just repeating things willy-nilly.

“Please Mister Postman”: Mono mix, uncut

“Devil In Her Heart”: Mono mix, starts about a minute into the song. The sing-a-long version is uncut.

“Not A Second Time”: Mono mix, instrumental break cut. The sing-a-long version is uncut.

“Slow Down”: Mono mix, heavily shortened. The sing-a-long version is a little longer, but still missing several parts. The instrumental break also plays in the “Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand” episode.

“Baby’s In Black”: Mono mix, cuts off before the instrumental break. The sing-a-long version is uncut.

“Misery”: Mono mix, uncut

“You Really Got A Hold On Me”: Mono mix, mostly uncut. The sing-a-long version is much shorter.

“Chains”: Mono mix, missing the harmonica intro.

“I’ll Get You”: Mono mix, first verse is cut. The sing-a-long version is uncut.

“Honey Don’t”: Mono mix, shortened. The sing-a-long version is also heavily cut.

“Any Time At All”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is missing the instrumental break.

“Twist And Shout”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is heavily cut.

“Little Child”: Mono mix, cuts off early. The sing-a-long is uncut. A bit of this song is also played at the end of the “Good Day Sunshine” episode in Season 3.

“I’ll Be Back”: Mono mix, shortened. The sing-a-long version is longer, but still slightly edited.

“Long Tall Sally”: Mono mix, uncut

“I’ll Cry Instead”: US mono mix, which has an extra verse that doesn’t appear in the UK mixes.

“I’ll Follow The Sun”: Mono mix. The final “I’ll Follow The Sun” is repeated a few times for some reason, but is otherwise uncut. This happens in the sing-a-long version too.

“When I Get Home”: US mono mix, uncut. Note how the double-tracking briefly disappears in this version when John sings “til I walk out that door”.

“Everybody’s Trying To Be My Baby”: Mono mix, starts about halfway through the song. The sing-a-long version is missing the instrumental break, which the version in the episode does include.

“I Should Have Known Better”: Mono mix, missing the instrumental break. The sing-a-long version is mostly the same, although it strangely edits a bit from later in the song at the very beginning.

“I’m A Loser”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version shortens the harmonica break.

“I Wanna Be Your Man”: Mono mix, uncut. A funny, sped-up version is also played at the end of the episode.

“Don’t Bother Me”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is missing the instrumental break.

“No Reply”: Mono mix. Only about half of the song is heard in the episode. The sing-a-long version is mostly intact, except the first instance of “I nearly died” is cut.

“I’m Happy Just To Dance With You”: Mono mix, uncut.

“Mr. Moonlight”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is missing the organ break. Amusingly, the episode depicts Paul singing instead of John.

“Can’t Buy Me Love”: Mono mix, heavily shortened. The sing-a-long version is mostly intact, except the guitar solo is cut in half.

“It Won’t Be Long”: Mono mix, shortened. The sing-a-long version is even more butchered.

“Anna (Go To Him)”: Mono mix, shortened. The sing-a-long version is missing a bit at the beginning, but is otherwise uncut.

“I Don’t Want To Spoil The Party”: Mono mix, first chorus removed.

“Matchbox”: Mono mix, which you can tell by the way Ringo mumbles “your puppy dog runs”. The version heard in the episode is heavily shortened, while the sing-a-long version is mostly intact.

“Thank You Girl”: Stereo mix, uncut. Note the harmonica which is missing from the mono mix.

“From Me To You”: Stereo mix, uncut. Note the harmonica is absent from the intro.

“Boys”: Mono mix, uncut. There was no sing-a-long made for this episode.

“Dizzy Miss Lizzy”: Mono mix, shortened.

“I Saw Her Standing There”: Mono mix. The guitar solo is mostly cut, while the sing-a-long version cuts it entirely.

“What You’re Doing”: Mono mix, shortened. The sing-a-long version is slightly longer.

“Money (That’s What I Want)”: Mono mix, uncut. There was no sing-a-long made for this episode.

“Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand”: Mono mix, uncut. For obvious reasons, there was no sing-a-long made for this episode.

“She Loves You”. Mono mix, uncut.

“Bad Boy”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is shortened.

“Tell Me Why”: US mono mix, as John’s vocals are single-tracked. The version in the episode starts abruptly at the vocals, while the sing-a-long version is uncut.

“I Feel Fine”: The US mixes of this song are infamous for their heavy reverb, and it is that version which appears here. The sing-a-long version is missing the feedback intro. A bit of this song is also played at the end of the “Eleanor Rigby” episode in Season 3.

“Hold Me Tight”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version features a unique musical introduction before the song starts.

“Please Please Me”: Stereo mix, uncut. Note John’s vocal fluff in the final chorus, which is unique to the stereo version.

“There’s A Place”: Mono mix, uncut. The sing-a-long version is missing the harmonica intro.

“Roll Over Beethoven”: Mono mix, uncut. Paul’s “1-2-3-4!!!” from the beginning of “I Saw Her Standing There” is added. George’s rocking guitar intro is missing from the sing-a-long. For some reason, John is depicted as the singer instead of George.

“Rock And Roll Music”: Mono mix, uncut. 

Examining the many versions of Baby Mozart (1998)

 In 1998, Julie Aigner-Clark was riding high off the success of her first video, Baby Einstein. Around that time, she became aware of studies which showed that listening to Mozart supposedly made your baby smarter. While these have since been discredited, she ran with it and decided to make a video testing the theory. 

The Many Versions of Baby Mozart

First Version

Released in February 1998, Baby Mozart is the first of several Baby Einstein videos to focus on the music of a classic composer. As with the previous video, this one was initially distributed by I Think I Can Productions. This was the last release to use this name before Clark's rights to use the name expired.

Something to note about this initial version of the video is the music. This was the first video in the series to have an accompanying soundtrack on CD, and the music is certainly more elaborate than it was last time. However, there is a certain cheapness to the synth in this version, something that would be fixed later down the line.

The scene transitions in this version remain the same as in the previous video. One unique feature found in this version, however, comes after the Castle Pounder scene, where the hand returns to "flush" away the screen, which fits with the next toy being the Rocket Tornado. Sadly, this unique transition was not carried over to the later versions.

At the end of the video is a tutorial called "The Mozart Effect", in which Clark explains the aforementioned theory about Mozart making babies smarter. She ends with this pretty funny line: "It's never too early; Mozart began composing at the tender age of five!"

This version of the video can be found on the initial early 1998 releases. It was also used as the basis of the Japanese and Hebrew versions.

Second Version

The first change to Baby Mozart was relatively minor. In late 1998, all mentions of I Think I Can Productions were replaced with The Baby Einstein Company. The only other change is the removal of a credit mentioning that some of the toys in the video were purchased at The Right Start.

This version of the video can be found on all releases from late 1998 to early 2000.

Third Version

In early 2000, Family Home Entertainment bought the distribution rights. Aside from adding their logo to the video, we get the first major change to the video. Around the same time, the CD was rereleased with an updated score. The music now sounds fuller and more polished, and it is this version of the soundtrack that is still sold today. 

Another big change is that The Mozart Effect has been removed, never to be seen again. In addition, all of the visuals have been improved. However, a small error was made when they were updating the credits. Puppeteer Tim Guigni's name has been misspelled as "Tom". This error will remain unfixed for quite a while.

This version of the video is only seen on early 2000 FHE releases.

Fourth Version

Exactly the same as the previous version, except for the addition of the screen telling us where we can find the toys, and the 2000 Video Tutorial.

This version of the video is only seen on mid 2000 FHE releases.

Fifth Version

This is the version I had growing up. It's almost the same as the previous version, except for the addition of the Toy Chest at the end.

This version of the video is seen on late 2000 to late 2001 FHE releases, as well as the initial DVDs.

Sixth Version

In 2002, after Disney took over the company, all traces of the FHE logo were removed. This is the last release of Baby Mozart to have the 2000 Video Tutorial and the Toy Chest.

This version of the video appears on 2002 releases.

Seventh Version

In this version, the tutorial and Toy Chest are now gone. In addition, the warning screen at the beginning is also removed, so the video now starts on a black screen, which peels up to reveal the drumming bear.

This version of the video is seen on 2003 and early 2004 releases.

Eighth Version

As was the case with Baby Einstein, in 2004, Baby Mozart received its biggest update yet. The transitions are updated again, and Tim Giugni's name is reverted back to its proper spelling.

Once again, a lot of toys are replaced in this release. This time, I feel the replacements are even more egregious and poorly implemented. For example, the drumming bear that begins the video is replaced by a stuffed bear which is being puppeteered to drum. It looks really bad and distracting. Later, the same bear is used to replace a bubble-blowing Coca-Cola bear. This is achieved by putting a bubble wand in the bear's paw, and blowing bubbles from behind it.

Continuing the trend of trying to erase Julie Clark's family from the videos, the credits sequence is missing the scenes of young Aspen Clark in the studio playing with the puppets. I don't really understand why they keep doing this. 

This version of the video is found on releases from 2004-2008.

Ninth Version

Unlike the original video, the changes to Baby Mozart didn't stop in 2004. In 2008, to celebrate the video's 10th anniversary, even more changes were made. While it uses the 2004 version as a basis, the changes in this version are much worse.

The most obvious change is the addition of some new puppet segments. The video now starts with a short clip of Baby Mozart the Koala getting ready to conduct, which then transitions into the replacement drumming bear footage. Another clip of him taking a bow is also added after the credits. 

During The Magic Flute section of the video, the scenes of the Divin' Dolphin puppet are now interspersed with stock footage of the ocean. The sequence that follows with the giraffe, rooster, and frog puppets is removed entirely, and replaced by a sort of "ballet" with some of the Baby Einstein puppets. It's fine, but I miss the frog puppet. 😢

Other small changes include the replacement of a picture of bean sprouts with a picture of grapes, and the slideshow of animal pictures is entirely different. The only toy to be replaced in this version is the Happy Starfish, who is replaced by a modern update.

This version of the video is only seen on the 2008 DVD.

Tenth Version/Discovery Kit

The final round of changes is undeniably the most bizarre. In 2010, the franchise was on its last legs, so Disney started releasing new videos as part of packages known as "Discovery Kits". Most of the Discovery Kits were just updated versions of older videos, but some were new. This is not one of them...

This version starts with a quote by Albert Einstein regarding Mozart's music. There is also a new intro with an entirely different logo and cheap looking CGI curtains at the top of the screen. The scene transitions have been redone yet again, making this the third time they've been changed.

A lot of the toys that were replaced in 2004 are back in this version, such as Mr. Buggity Bugget, and the helicopter. Even stranger is that some toys have been replaced for a second time, such as the dolls that appear before The Magic Flute. 

All of the new puppet shows that were added to the 2008 version are gone, meaning that we get to see my favorite frog puppet again!!!! The scene in the credits with Aspen and the puppeteer is mostly restored, albeit with that distracting CGI curtain covering half of the screen. The animal picture slideshow is also redone again, this time with an entirely different song.

Perhaps the most unusual change to this version is the addition of several scenes from Baby Bach. The aforementioned quote from Einstein is followed by Baby Bach footage of a flipping dog toy. This reuse of footage continues throughout the video, and I have to question why. Another Discovery Kit video, Baby Lullaby, also cannibalizes footage from Baby Bach, but that's a story for another day.

Unfortunately, the Discovery Kits were a huge flop that failed to resurrect the series, and they remain the last Baby Einstein videos ever made. Disney sold the company to Kids II in 2013, and things have been quiet for the franchise since then.

This version of the video is only found in the 2010 Discovery Kit.

Up next, I'm going to discuss the various versions of Baby Bach.

Examining the many versions of Baby Einstein/Language Nursery (1997)

 When I was a little baby, one of my favorite activities was watching the many videos of the Baby Einstein series. Those videos really captivated me, and gave me a greater appreciation of classical music. However, little did I know when I was little that there have been many, many, many variations of them over the years. So, I thought I'd do something a little different here to commemorate my 25th birthday (which was like a month ago, but still). Gentlemen, I give you...

The Many Versions of Baby Einstein/Language Nursery (1997)

Back in 1996, a suburban Atlanta mother named Julie Clark was dissatisfied with the poor quality of videos aimed at very young children. Her husband was a videographer, and, with the help of six other ladies, each speaking a different language, she released the original Baby Einstein video in early 1997. 

First Version

This is the initial version of the video as seen on the first few releases in 1997/98. The video starts with an informative tutorial at the beginning with Julie Clark. She tells parents how to use the video as clips from it are shown, interspersed with footage of her children. Then, the actual video starts as you'd expect, although one big difference right off the bat is that the company is credited as "I Think I Can Productions". This was apparently the name of an English school in Japan that her husband was teaching at

Other things to note about this initial version of the video include a completely different Hebrew narrator than the one I remember, and the scene transitions are kind of awkward and cheesy. But there's a certain charm to this version, especially knowing how popular it went on to become despite these production shortcomings.

This version of the video is seen on the initial 1997 releases by I Think I Can Productions and Gymboree. The original Japanese release of the video is also based on this initial version, albeit with the Hebrew parts redubbed into Chinese.

Second Version

In late 1998, a few changes were made to the video, as, by this point, the sequel, Baby Mozart, had already been released, with a third video on the way. 

The biggest difference in this version is that the Hebrew dialogue has been entirely rerecorded by Iris Zinger, replacing Lynne Albertson from the original version. This may just be nostalgia speaking, but I prefer the Zinger version. She sounds more warm and inviting to me. During the scene of the video where the Hebrew alphabet is recited, Albertson sings in her version, with percussion in the background. Zinger's version is a simple recitation with no music, although the falling noise when the blocks are pushed over remains intact. 

Some other minor changes were also made. For example, the tutorial is moved to the end of the video, and a "Stay Tuned" screen is now in its place. The scene transitions are redone, and a scene near the end of the video where pictures of vegetables are shown has most of the pictures changed to fruit, with the exception of the peas. Lastly, the color and font of the credits are changed from red and blue to orange and green, which they remain in all future versions. 

The video is also now credited to The Baby Einstein Company instead of I Think I Can, as Clark's rights to use that name had run out.

This version of the video is seen on late 1998-early 2000 releases. Starting in early 2000, Family Home Entertainment gained distribution rights to the Baby Einstein series, with parent company Artisan acquiring a stake in the company. As such, early 2000 releases of the video feature the FHE Kids logo.

Third Version

This version of the video is the one that I grew up watching, so it will always be my particular favorite. 

Changes in this version include the removal of the tutorial at the end, although the Stay Tuned screen still mentions it. Instead, we get a new tutorial that begins with Clark reading a passage from the Baby Shakespeare book, before she goes over the various products that have been released by this point. Watching this version of the tutorial really takes me back to my childhood. 

The new tutorial is also preceded by a screen telling us where we can find info about the various toys seen in the video, as well as listing off the other videos in the series.

This version of the video only appears on the mid-2000 FHE release.

Fourth Version

In late 2000, another big round of changes were made to the video. While no changes were made to the visual content, the audio received a major update. 

To coincide with the recently released Language Nursery CD, the German, Spanish, French, and Japanese narrators were all replaced. While the German narrator (Gabriele Rewis) rerecorded all of her dialogue (except for two songs), the other three languages have entirely different narrators. It should be noted that the credits were not changed to mention the new narrators, for some reason.

Another addition to this video was the Toy Chest. Around this time, most of the Baby Einstein videos had an additional segment at the end which featured a slideshow of all the featured toys. These segments were really fascinating to me as a child, as it gave me information on who was responsible for making and selling them.

One final change is that the warning screen at the beginning of the video now has Julie Clark's usual narration that was seen on all the other videos around this time.

It should also be noted that, around this time, the title of the video was changed to "Baby Einstein: Language Nursery", although no change was made to the actual video.

This version of the video is seen on all releases from late 2000-late 2001. It also appears on the first DVD releases.

Fifth Version

In late 2001, Clark sold her company to Disney, which marked the beginning of a new era for the videos.  

Starting with this release, all references to Family Home Entertainment are removed and replaced with the Walt Disney Home Entertainment logo. Otherwise, the content of the video is mostly the same as the previous version. This is the last version of the video to have the tutorial and Toy Chest at the end, as those had become special features on the DVDs at this point.

This version of the video appears on all releases from 2002.

Sixth Version

Exactly the same as the previous version, except the Toy Chest and tutorial are no longer featured.

This version of the video appears on all 2003-early 2004 releases.

Seventh Version

In 2004, Disney went back to the videos made before they bought the company and began to change them. All videos from Baby Einstein to Baby Beethoven had some kind of alterations made, but the first few featured the most changes.

There's a lot of differences here, so let's get to it. Firstly, the title of the video was finally changed to Language Nursery, complete with a new intro sequence that no longer matches the music. All of the scene transitions are redone again to look "shinier". The credits are also redone in a thinner font, and the replacement narrators are finally credited.

The biggest change involves the toys. For whatever reason, starting with this release, a lot of the toys have been replaced. For example, the iconic Fisher-Price Rock-a-Stack has been replaced with a similar wooden stacking toy, and the train that reappears throughout the video has been replaced with a smaller one that pulls along freight cars. If I had to guess, I would say that these changes were made for rights issues, and the reason I think that is because both of the featured toys that were made by Fisher-Price (the aforementioned Rock-a-Stack and a musical clock) were replaced. Was there some kind of issue with Fisher-Price that prevented them from using their toys again? 

In addition, there was a minor change made with the Spanish counting segment. In all previous versions, it only went up to 10. From here on out, it goes up to 20 like all of the other languages. This results in a rather sloppy extension of the footage.

Probably the worst change in my opinion has to do with the credits. In between the names, we see footage of Julie Clark's young daughter playing peek-a-boo with her parents. In all previous versions of the video, we could hear their voices encouraging her to play. It's a really sweet way to end the video. Starting with the 2004 version, however, there is complete silence. We still see the girl playing peek-a-boo, but no words come out. Just empty, soul-crushing silence. It's actually kind of creepy.

When my little sister was just a baby, and we were experiencing these videos all over again with her, we made the mistake of borrowing the DVD of this version from our local library. We were all shocked, not only by the replacement voices, but by all of the new toys. And the sad thing is that this seems to be the finalized version of the video. No more changes were made after this, and the video was rereleased one last time in 2008 before Disney sold the company in 2013.

This version of the video can be seen on all releases after 2004.

In conclusion, the first video in the Baby Einstein franchise has had a long history of releases and alterations. If I were to pick one version that I would call the definitive version, I would pick the Mid-2000 FHE release. Not just because it's the one I grew up with, but because it perfectly captures what watching these videos was like back in the day.

Next up, I'm going to go over all of the different versions of Baby Mozart, because there's some interesting differences there as well.

Pepi Longsocks transcript

 Since I couldn't find any SCTV transcripts online, I decided to make one myself!

Announcer: And now, a special afterschool presentation of the classic Bulgarian children's film, Pepi Longsocks.

BULGANIN FLEMSK

primsk

PEPI LONGSOCKS

[Exterior of a little schoolhouse. Several children run out of the building laughing like idiots as the bell rings.]

Eugene Levy: [out-of-sync] Boy, I've long been awaiting the end of school and now it is here!

Andrea Martin: Summer at last!

Rick Moranis: Two months of fun and relaxation!

Everyone: [singing] No more pencils, no more books, no more angry looks from the schoolmaster!

[more laughing]

Catherine O'Hara: Hey! Where's Pepi?

Dave Thomas: He was detained fortunately! When the bell rang he became so excited, he jumped up and cracked the plaster on the ceiling!

Levy: Stupid Pepi! He is so unusual! He is always getting into trouble with his mischievous behavior!

Moranis: We had best leave him here! We are wasting valuable vacation time!

Martin: Josef is right, we should be playing.

O'Hara: Uh-huh. Hey! Let's play jump the weeds!

Levy: Boy, that is a great vacation game! We can use the field behind my father's farmhouse!

Thomas: Yeah, let's go. We can have fun without Pepi Longsocks!

[Everyone goes running off and laughing. A larger boy, Pepi Longsocks (John Candy), emerges from the schoolhouse.]

Pepi: Hey, where is everyone? [He looks around but doesn't see his friends, then kicks a rock and hurts his foot] Ow!

[Pepi throws the rock so hard that it goes flying and hits a passing cyclist]

Cyclist: What the Hell?!?? Augh, my head...

[Later, at Pepi's home, his father (Joe Flaherty) is making dinner]

Father: Ugh, agh, wow, potatoes are hot, baby! Whoa! Agh, oh, they're hot, eat! Eat, Pepi, your mother used to tell you it'd put hair on your upper lip.

Pepi: I am not hungry, Father.

Father: It saddens me when you are not happy, Pepi. Here...[picks up a potato] Here, look! Pepi, heh heh, I'm a potato! Ha ha ha, look at that, I'm a potato!

[silence]

Father: Don't you get it? It's a joke.

Pepi: Yes, Father. It is very funny.

Father: Now as a young boy in Smelsk, I would laugh and laugh when I heard the potato joke.

Pepi: I do not feel like laughing, Father, not even at the potato joke.

Father: Pepi, you are very sad because your friends think that, well, you're unusual.

Pepi: They do not even ask me to play "jump the weeds". I should crush their heads like nuts! Like nuts, I tell you!

Father: Pepi, do you remember the day of the great potato harvest? The sun was shining. It was a beautiful day, we were laughing and laughing, laughing and laughing, and then you, well, then you jumped on the family ox and broke its legs in half.

Pepi: Oh ho ho ho, yes, Father, that was the day Mother spanked me!

Father: Do you remember what you did?

Pepi: Yes, Father, I tossed her out the window, into the woodpile!

Father: Now let me tell you something, Pepi. You possess superpowers and super strength. You must not allow yourself to get angry. Remember, you had ten classmates last year, and now you have but five.

Pepi: You are right, Father. I guess I am unusual. I will go look for my friends. I'll have much fun playing "jump the weeds". Mmm, a potato! Yumyumyumyumyum!!!

Father: Hahahaha, eat that potato! Eat it, Pepi, it's good for you!

[Meanwhile, the children are now in front of a windmill, playing "jump the weeds". They are still laughing and having fun.]

Thomas: Helga, you will never jump that weed, that one there! There!

Levy: Your foot will surely touch it!

O'Hara: You jumped it, Simchak!

Moranis: You are but a girl, everyone knows girls can't jump the weeds like boys can!

Martin: Come on, Helga, show Josef that surely girls are better than boys!

[O'Hara jumps the weeds]

Thomas: Oh, look there, you touched it!

Moranis: Look there, you brushed the weed with your sandal! 

Levy: Ha ha, the proof is rightly in the potato now!

O'Hara: Maybe so, but at least we are having fun on our summer vacation!

Martin: That is true, it really is, especially without...Pepi Longsocks, hahahahahaha!!!

[more laughing]

Levy: Come, let us jump that weed over there!

[The others all follow him. Pepi is then seen pulling a leaf off of a tree, which then falls over.]

Pepi: [waving] Hey Simchak, Olga, hello Dimitri, hey there, Helga and Josef!

Moranis: Oh, no! It's Pepi Longsocks!

Thomas: Say, look at his large frame, I tell you!

Levy: Oh, indeed, and his broad girth!

O'Hara: He's surely unusual!

[more annoying laughter]

Pepi: I brought you some leaves because you are my friends and I am eager to play "jump the weeds" with you!

Levy: We would rather play "jump the weeds" with a pair of oxen!!!

Pepi: Hahahaha, that is funny, although less humorous than the potato joke, ha ha ha ha!

Martin: Go away, Pepi Longsocks!

Thomas: We don't want to play with you, we tell you, ha ha!

Levy: We would frown on it!

Moranis: Summer vacation is almost over!

O'Hara: Ha ha, and you're unusual!!! 

Pepi: You are trying to make me angry, but it will not work, because you are my friends and I don't want to hurl you through the air like a hammer throw, ha ha ha!

Thomas: Go away, Pepi!

Martin: Yes, you look funny, you've got all these things, they are, you look really funny!

Levy: You have spots on your face!

Moranis: Resembling a leopard!

O'Hara: With measles!!!!

[All of this laughter finally proves to be too much for Pepi to handle, so he picks up all of his friends, spins them around, and throws them away, killing them instantly]

Pepi: Ha! Now I have no one to anger me, except my father. But he makes...good potatoes. And I am hungry a lot of the time. So I will have fun playing "jump the weeds" by myself. There's a weed! Over I go, ha ha ha ha! I will jump it again! Here I go, OH!!! Oh, now I am having fun on my summer vacation!

FINSK

SNL Reviews: 50th Anniversary Special (Part 2)

 Sketch: Close Encounters

Mrs. Rafferty relates her latest encounter with those Goddamn aliens.

• Are you fucking kidding me??? Why is this back again? They gave it a proper conclusion almost THREE YEARS AGO!!!!

• Hey, Aidy’s lost some weight!

• At least Woody Harrelson is a perfect fit for this sketch. I actually laughed at his character’s first line questioning why it’s called The Pentagon when it “only” has five sides.

• *sigh* Kate’s character is going through all of her usual tired routines. Thankfully, there’s no Ryan Gosling for her to crack up this time.

• Woody and Pedro’s characters are giving me my only laughs.

• Oh, wow, Mrs. Rafferty just got between someone’s legs! What a hilarious and unexpected twist!!! Barf!

• How is this only the first time Meryl Streep has ever appeared on SNL? And it has to be in THIS??? What a fucking waste of her talents.

Film: The Stagehand

Laraine Newman returns to Studio 8H, where she meets a familiar face working there as a stagehand.

• Sweet, a Laraine Newman showcase! I’ve always been more familiar with her from providing “additional voices” in so many animated films.

• Seeing her interacting with Mikey is kind of sweet, considering that they’re both Groundlings alumni. 

• Chad is back, bros!!! Despite dying on Mars in Season 46, he’s somehow been resurrected as an employee at SNL!

• The interplay between these two is hilarious! 

• Laraine: “Could you do me a favor?” Chad: “Heh, do me.” I hate that I laughed at that.

• This part with Chad screwing things up and saying “My bad.” has no right to be as funny as it is. I also love how it’s the exact same recording each time he says it.

• After Laraine’s heartwarming speech about all the memories she’s had, I LOVE how Chad’s favorite memory is something we saw only a minute ago!

Musical Performance: “50 Years” by Adam Sandler

• As if things couldn’t get any more special, now we have a Jack Nicholson cameo!!!

• Turns out he was there to introduce an Adam Sandler guitar song! FUCK YEAH!!!

• That’s Dan Bulla on the keyboard. Apparently Adam was responsible for recommending him to SNL, as they had worked together on some comedy specials.

• It’s sad that this is the only time we get a Victoria Jackson mention tonight, even though she was apparently in the audience.

• I’m getting tears in my eyes when he brings up Phil and Chris Farley at the end…Who knew that Adam fucking Sandler would give us one of the most emotional moments of this special??!

• I don’t normally rate the musical performances, but, since this was so good…

Sketch: New York 50th Musical

New York is celebrated.

• ANOTHER Mulaney musical sketch?!??? Did we really need two in one season??? Jesus Christ, these sketches aren’t as iconic as SNL and the media think they are.

• I should be more excited to see David Spade, but we just saw him a few episodes ago as Hunter Biden.

• They’re clearly running out of ideas for these, as the inciting line from Pete in this one is just him saying that he’s moving to New York.

• Fuck, it’s Maya singing again! And she’s dressed as…a heroin needle…could it be any more obvious why I hate these sketches??!!???

• Not even the sight of Adam Driver in a hot dog costume is making me laugh.

• Why are they singing the Fame theme song if this is supposed to be the 70s? Didn’t that come out in the 80s?

• Hey, it’s G.E. Smith, mugging up a storm as always!!! And he’s rocking out with Paul Shaffer!

• NATHAN LANE!!!!!!! The episode he hosted in Season 23 is an underrated classic, and it’s such a surprise to see him on the show again!!! Unfortunately, he’s there to sing a cocaine-themed parody of “Hakuna Matata”, because reference!!! To a movie that won’t come out until 1994!!! Did they just randomly pick these celebrities without thinking about if they made sense in these particular decades???

• Despite my saltiness, Lane is still as amazing as ever. It brings me right back to my childhood listening to his voice on that George and Martha cartoon (which coincidentally also featured SNL’s Tony Rosato).

• Putting Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte in fake mustaches will never NOT be funny! Their song is actually making me laugh for a change!

• On an unrelated note, I can see Brad Hall (!) behind them as they’re arguing! Nice to see him on the show again! Also, you can see Woody Harrelson in the background with a zoned-out expression. Guess he’s tired of this shit too!!! Or, more likely, he’s just high.

• I did get a laugh at John introducing Kristen’s character as a prostitute. 

• No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! IT’S MOTHERFUCKING KATE GIULIANI AGAIN!!!!! *I grab a gun and shove it in my mouth like Budd Dwyer, pulling the trigger and sparing myself from having to watch this bullshit again*

• And now Lin-Manuel Miranda is there to do a shitty parody of a song from his musical? Why is this still going on????

• Oh, and just to screw me over even more, now there’s a drag version of Michael Bloomberg, played by Sarah. *I put a plastic bag over my head and suffocate myself to death*

• *sigh* Mulaney actually tells Sarah that her impression is “great”. I don’t know what impression you heard, buddy, but that sounded awful!

• Another genuine laugh from a tall, unknown extra playing Bill DeBlasio.

• James Austin Johnson is wasted with a small role as a whiskey bottle.

• Mulaney: “Remember what this city gave you!” Pete: “Herpes?” Okay, that did get a chuckle from me.

• And Kenan comes out at the end as the lobster from the original sketch. Holy shit, does that mean that this is going to be the final installment??? It better fucking be!!!

• Overall, that was definitely the worst of these sketches. It was way too long, had several extremely annoying elements, and in general, there was kind of a half-assed aura to it. However, I did surprisingly get a few laughs from it, which has never happened before.

Montage: Commercials

• Ugh, it’s fucking Alec Baldwin. Please go away!!!

• Anyway, the only reason he’s here is to introduce our next montage: one about commercials!!!

• I love how this starts off with the iconic “Oops! I Crapped My Pants!” (“How do you know so much about Oops! I Crapped My Pants?” “I’m wearing them, and I just did.”)

• All of our favorites are here!!! “Colon Blow”! “Happy Fun Ball”! “Mom Jeans”! They’re all there!!!

• Nice to see some Tim Robinson representation with the hilarious “Z Shirts” commercial! 

• And you know I loved seeing the “Toilet Death Ejector” again!!!

Sketch: Bronx Beat

Betty and Jodi interview Miles Teller before everyone’s favorite verklempt old lady Linda Richman hijacks the show.

• Not too thrilled to see this again. I’m not a big fan of sketches where the only joke is the way people talk. And SNL has done waaaaaay too many sketches about how funny New Yorkers talk.

• At least Miles Teller is a welcome presence, reminding me of how much I liked him as a host, despite the horrid material he was saddled with.

• So far, I’m not exactly hating this like I thought I would…but I’m not laughing, either.

• Random and unexpected appearance from Mike Myers as his Linda Richman character, the first time she’s appeared since 1997. I love Mike Myers and all, but not one of my favorite characters of his. I would have preferred seeing the return of Dieter, to be honest. 

• Thanks to his aging, he now resembles an old lady more than he did while he was in the cast. This also leads to a funny blooper when he has trouble pronouncing “shpilkis in his genechtagazoink”.

• And there goes the overused “I’m feelin’ verklempt” catchphrase. 

• Not much to say about this one, really. What was the point of even bringing Miles Teller on stage when they were just going to forget about him halfway through for memberberries?

Musical Performance: “Uproar”, “Lollipop”, “6 Foot 7”, “A Milli” by Lil Wayne, The Roots, and DJ T. Lewis

In Memoriam Montage

Tom Hanks introduces a montage of all the moments that are considered “problematic”nowadays.

• Alternate title: “If you laughed at any of these, then you are a Trump supporter”

• Is it wrong that I laughed at a lot of these???

• Nice use of Adrien Brody’s infamous Rasta routine that got him in trouble.

• I got an unintentional laugh from seeing a young Larry David in one of the clips.

• Some of these “problematic” moments aren’t even that bad. The one with Ben Affleck yelling at Fred as a disabled man was kind of the point. They were showing what a horrible person he was for discriminating against the disabled.

• There’s the classic clip of Norm saying that SNL doesn’t hire women!

• Again, the section showing off “problematic” makeup (i.e. blackface) is missing the point that some (not all) of those examples were satirical. For example, the one of Kevin Nealon in Al Jolson-esque makeup was making fun of the time when Ted Danson roasted Whoopi Goldberg in blackface, and the one with Joe Piscopo and Eddie dressed as Chinamen was mocking advertising companies and their use of stereotypical mascots.

• It doesn’t help that all of the examples shown have been pixelated to protect the snowflakes in the audience. SNL needs to stop being pussies and acknowledge their sometimes offensive past.

• They even censor a clip of Fred’s Prince impression, even though we JUST SAW HIM DOING IT AT THE CONCERT THE OTHER NIGHT!!!!

• Great ending with the montage of criminal guests such as OJ, Diddy, and Jared Fogle.

Sketch: Debbie Downer

Debbie airs her grievances at a bar.

• Jimmy Fallon, Ayo Edebiri, and Drew Barrymore is such an odd combination.

• Debbie Downer?!!?? Holy shit, talk about unexpected!

• As much as I hate that this character became recurring, I will never get tired of those “wah-waaaaah” sound effects.

• I like the variation on the routine with chicken sounds being played instead after Debbie talks about the bird flu.

• I’m amazed that Jimmy hasn’t cracked up once. That’s clearly the reason why they put him in this, but it’s just not happening. 

• Maybe it’s just the festive atmosphere, but I’m actually liking Ayo’s performance here more than I did when she hosted.

• Fuck, now we have a DeNiro appearance. Can’t wait to see him botch all of his lines!!!!

• I like the fake-out with Debbie doing the “You talkin’ to me?” routine, only it turns out to just be a genuine question because she has dry-eye and can’t see properly.

• Amazingly, DeNiro only screws up once, and it takes a while for it to actually happen. By default, this is his most professional appearance on SNL.

• And, of course, they had to get in a feline AIDS reference at the end. Meow meooooooowwwww!

SNL Reviews: 50th Anniversary Special (2/17/25)

I’ve decided to review the amazing 50th Anniversary Special that aired just last night! Since this will be longer than a typical episode, I’m going to split this review in two parts, with the cutoff happening after Weekend Update.

Cold Open/Musical Performance: “Homeward Bound”

• Just a musical performance by Paul Simon and Sabrina Carpenter to start the show. While Paul’s physical appearance is certainly concerning, his voice is just as good as ever.

Monologue

Steve Martin talks about how great it is to be here, with help from John Mulaney and Martin Short.

• Really, Steve? Your first joke is that you’re SNL’s newest “diversity hire”?

• He’s starting off with some typical modern day Steve Martin groaners.

• Bearded David Letterman scares me.

• I got a laugh from Steve introducing Martin Short as “the only Canadian who wasn’t in Schitt’s Creek”.

• As Steve himself says, the monologue is often the weakest part of the show. That is certainly the case here. It’s kind of sad seeing Steve deliver hacky “modern” jokes about stuff like AI.

Sketch: The Lawrence Welk Show

Dooneese ruins a performance by Robert Goulet.

• Are you serious? This is how we’re starting the show? A horrible recurring sketch that wasn’t even funny the first time?

• Let me just say for the record that Fred’s Lawrence Welk impression is really, really bad. It pales in comparison to the excellent (or, dare I say, wunnerful?) impression that Stan Freberg did almost 70 years ago.

• Wow, Fred just made a crude joke about the Finger Lakes! Never seen THAT before!

• In this sketch, the Maharelle Sisters are played by Ana Gasteyer (good to have her back!), Scarlett Johansson (gee, I wonder why she’s there), and…ugh, Kim fucking Kardashian.

• Ah, but we also get a welcome return from Will Ferrell’s hilarious Robert Goulet impression! 

• Goulet: “Did they put LSD in my salad?” Hilarious!!! Will hasn’t lost it at all!

• Ugh, here comes Dooneese, still as unfunny as ever. They actually gave her a fitting end in Kristen’s last episode, so why do they keep bringing her back???

• Goulet is the only thing keeping this from being a total disaster.

• Oh, and just to punish me even more, we get a “hilarious” scene where Dooneese plays bongos on Kim Kardashian’s ass. I wish I was making that up.

Sketch: Black Jeopardy!

Tracy Morgan is a contestant on this edition.

• First appearance of this sketch since Eddie hosted in Season 45. I was wondering when we’d see it again.

• Speaking of Eddie, he’s in this one…doing an impression of Tracy Morgan!!!! The other contestants are played by Leslie Jones and Tracy himself. It’s so good to see Tracy here, especially since he had to miss the last anniversary special because of his car accident. Leslie showing up was also a surprise, because I thought she was done with this show.

• Already a big laugh from Darnell Hayes saying that this show’s audience is entirely made up of people who understood Kendrick’s Super Bowl performance.

• As expected, Eddie’s impression is spot on and hilarious.

• I like how one of the categories is “Leave Bronnie Alone”.

• I love “Tracy’s” whole routine about how James Earl Jones was his biological father, which unintentionally reminds me of this piece that Eddie did in Season 7 where he reveals that his father is actually Ronald Reagan.

• Even though I totally saw it coming, I still laughed at Tracy’s In Living Color line.

• Now Eddie has suddenly disappeared, and has been replaced by Tom Hanks as his racist Doug character from the last time he hosted!!!

• Priceless scene where Doug refuses to shake hands with Darnell after getting the correct answer.

Montage Intro

• Oh, fuck, Sally O’Malley again. As much as I appreciate some of Molly Shannon’s low key roles, she is absolutely horrible when she tries to go over the top. Thankfully, this is just a short intro to the following montage instead of a full sketch.

Physical Comedy Montage

• And now we have a montage of physical comedy moments over the past 50 years. These aren’t really worth rating in the final rundown, but they’re so well edited that I’m gonna give some comments on them anyway.

• Unsurprisingly, most of the first half of this montage consists of Chevy and Chris Farley clips. And almost all of the Farley clips are Matt Foley.

• I like how the dance portion of the montage is accompanied by “What is Love?”

• I did not need to see that clip of Melissa McCarthy rubbing her fat ugly face against the car window again.

• The brief clip from that one Please Don’t Destroy film with John Higgins getting assaulted is pretty much their only appearance all night, which is surprising given how much of a part of the show they’ve become.

• Great use of the classic Julia Child sketch with Aykroyd (“Why is everybody spinning???”)

• I like how they end this by showing the heartbreaking “Love Is A Dream” film with Jan Hooks and Phil Hartman, along with Gilda and Steve’s dance.

Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey

“Looking back over 50 years, we treasure the laughs, the friendships, the fond memories. But the real treasure is how much money we were making.”

• This was a HUGE surprise! I never thought we’d see another one of these again!!! And it’s a new one, too, unlike the last special where they just showed an old one from the 90s.

Sketch: Vow Renewal

Domingo is back yet again, but this time, he’s not alone…

• Just from the setup, my brother and I could already tell what this was going to be. Another fucking Domingo sketch! Jeez, why do they keep bringing this shit back except to pander to the TikTok idiots?

• How many times is Andrew’s character going to get married to the same woman?

• Ugh, more Wicked shilling???? 

• Wow, Domingo is showing up already, and the sketch isn’t even halfway through? There must be a catch…

• Andrew: “I can’t believe Domingo is at another major life event of mine.” Hey, he said it, not me!

• Beck and Kyle are back!!!! I know we already saw Kyle a few episodes ago, but this is Beck’s first appearance since he left!

• Carpenter’s line about not knowing what this song is was so hacky. Get it??? Cuz it’s a parody of that one song of hers they like referencing for no reason!!!!

• At least Beck and Kyle have some good lines.

• Perfect casting of Pedro Pascal and Bad Bunny as brothers of Domingo. Why is that perfect? Because they’re both overrated Hispanic performers that I can’t understand the appeal of!

• Molly’s twerking was totally unnecessary.

• While this did some new things with the Domingo formula (which automatically makes it the most tolerable one of these), it was WAAAAAAY too long.

Q&A

Tina and Amy take some questions from the star-filled audience.

• Uh-oh, here comes Tina. Are we in for more “jokes” about how much better she is than the rest of the cast?

• A lot of the fun I have during this segment is trying to point out all of the celebrities I can see in the audience. For example, in this first shot of Quinta Brunson, I see Conan (!), David Letterman the transient, some lady with Where’s Waldo glasses, Jimmy Fallon, and Nate Bargatze. I like how Nate has only hosted twice so far, but he’s already become part of the SNL family. That just shows you how good his episodes have been.

• Amy: “I’m wearing a 3D-printed mask of my younger self.” You know what? She’s right! She has barely aged!!!

• Holy shit! Tim Meadows with a beard!!! He’s just as funny and likable as ever!

• Uh-oh, I just saw Robert DeNiro during Ryan Reynolds’ scenes. Which reminds me that he makes a sketch appearance later on.

• The Weekend Update backdrop is visible during Nate’s scene.

• Nice shoutout to the show’s host dresser Donna Richards.

• Priceless visual of Jon Lovitz in the middle of the American Girl store. A welcome cameo that’s miles better than that awful Alan Dershowitz cold open he was in a few years ago.

• Unfortunately, Tina has to ruin it by explaining that this was in fact the real Jon Lovitz. Tina, shut the fuck up.

• As happy as I am to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus again, was it really necessary to throw in a cute dog as well?

• What is that on Cher’s head??? Is it hair, or is it a dead animal?

• Hey, it’s Keith Richards’ mummified corpse!

• UGGGHHHH!!!! I just saw Alec Baldwin!!! At the very least, I’m happy to say that there’s no Trumpwin appearances in this special. In fact, they barely mention Trump at all!

• Why is Bad Bunny so prominent in this??? He’s had more screentime than James Austin Johnson, who, by the way, has no speaking lines at all.

• Was anyone asking for an appearance from famous race hustler Al Sharpton?

• Fred’s routine where he asks about a rejected sketch he wrote about a vampire version of The Office made me think that we would be getting a full version of it later. Thankfully, that did not happen. I also had to laugh at Eddie making a sly pose in the background during this entire scene.

• During Peyton Manning’s scene, I got more amusement out of sighting Rob Riggle in the background. Great to see him here! If only they would give him an actual sketch appearance!

Digital Short: Anxiety

Andy reassures Bowen Yang that everyone who’s worked on this show has suffered from anxiety.

• Hopefully this will be better than the last two Digital Shorts we’ve gotten this season.

• Nice of them to feature Dan Aykroyd in this song to make up for his absence. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Bill Hader and Dan Aykroyd both declined their invitations to the special. While I was expecting Bill’s absence, Dan’s was a shock.

• The creepy “anxiety” faces are hilarious. I was expecting it to get old at some point, but it never did.

• Bowen is surprisingly good here. Actually, I liked his role in the Domingo sketch earlier, too. Am I starting to come around on Asian Terry Sweeney????? Nah…

• Aw, yeah!!! A Chris Parnell rap!!!! Words cannot describe how glad I am to finally be reviewing something with him in it on this blog!!!

• That screaming utility pipe caught me off guard, but in a good way.

• The transition from archive footage to Molly and Ana’s rap is so smooth!!! Bonus points for them wearing the same outfits!

• Nice dig at the infamous Rolling Stone list of “best” cast members. I love how Will Forte is at the bottom for some reason.

• I love the shots of the crew members clapping along to the song, although there’s a surprising lack of Akira Yoshimura.

• Overall, while not as good as the song they did in the last special, this was a great return to form for the Digital Shorts.

Musical Performance: “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Miley Cyrus and Brittany Howard

Weekend Update (featuring The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started A Conversation With At a Party, Drunk Uncle, Lorne’s Two Best Friends from Growing Up, and Bill Murray)

• Nice intro featuring clips from all the different eras of Update.

• This is surprisingly the first time they’ve mentioned Trump all night, albeit not by name.

• Good joke from Michael about how there’s about 100 “Tonys” on the crew.

• Another joke about how long Kenan’s been on the show by saying that he was hired to replace Chevy.

• Che’s memorial to OJ Simpson is great, especially how he makes you think it’s going to be for Norm.

• A welcome return from The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started A Conversation With at A Party, which is surprisingly the first we’ve seen of Cecily all night. There is a reason for that, though…she’s pregnant!!! I noticed it at the concert on Friday, but now they actually work it into the routine by having this character get pregnant as well.

• She’s going a little heavy on the malaprops tonight, but there’s still plenty of good lines. My personal favorite is when she randomly insults some woman in the audience.

• So, who’s the daddy? Why, it’s none other than Drunk Uncle!!!! Sweet!!!! I can totally see this pairing happening, because they’re both right-leaning, drunk assholes.

• The lack of the “That’s not me!” “That’s not anyone!” routine pleases me, although we do still get the usual “Drunk Uncle, I think you may be a little too drunk.” from Colin.

• Drunk Uncle’s random slam at Alec Baldwin was hilarious and cathartic.

• It feels so weird to hear Bobby mention AI.

• Oh, now we get an appearance from Seth. Are they going to let some of the other anchors do bits like they did at the last special?

• It turns out that he’s here to interact with…oh, shit. No. NO. NOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE TWO BEST FRIENDS FROM GROWING UP!!!!!!!!! WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BRING THESE SATANIC BUTTWIPES BACK AGAIN?!!!???

• It’s sad that Vanessa’s only big role in this special is this horrible routine. Even though his appearances are just as formulaic, I would have preferred it if we got an appearance from her Jacob character.

• Seth: “I don’t think anybody can hear you.” Shut the fuck up, Seth! You’re not helping!!!

• Ah, but here comes Bill Murray to save the day! He’s doing a variation of his iconic Oscars routine, but this time it’s about ranking the various anchors of Weekend Update.

• Priceless part with his list of Best Black Anchors, which obviously only includes Che!

• Bill: “These are in no particular order, so I’ll be ranking them from worst to best.”

• Bill’s chemistry with Colin is great, especially the part with him revealing that number 10 is Colin…Quinn.

• I like how Tina is on here twice with each of her co-anchors.

• This whole bit about the “ignorant slut” routine is priceless.

• I haven’t even mentioned all of the funny little quips that Bill is throwing in there, because there’s too many for me to list!

• Who is number 1 on this list? Why, it’s Brian Doyle-Murray, of course!!! 

• Overall, this is by default the best Update we’ve had all season, despite the return of those Godawful Two Best Friends characters.

(Continued in Part 2)

SNL Reviews: Martin Short/Hozier (12/21/24)

 Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…

“I got a huge laugh when he said SNL hasn’t been funny since the cast stopped using cocaine.” (from Harry Styles, 2019)

Cold Open: Five-Timers Club

Martin Short is inducted into the exclusive club.

• Starting off immediately with Tom Hanks’ face. Yay, more cameos…

• “An ingeniously lazy way to avoid writing a monologue”. Stop criticizing the writing! That’s my job!!!

• After an unwelcome Paul Rudd cameo, we finally see Martin Short. And it only took us a minute and a half to get there!

• Ugh, now Tina’s here as well. I can’t wait for more jokes about how much better she is than the current cast!

• Well, we did get one of those jokes, but it technically came from Martin (he’s asked to name three current cast members and he doesn’t know any).

• NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Why are there so many Alec Baldwin cameos this year??? Get off the stage and go shoot somebody else!

• Let’s see, Scarlett Johansson shows up next, then…GYAAAAAHHHH!!!! Kristen Wiig!!!! Please end this already!!!!

• Emma Stone, Melissa McCarthy, John Mulaney, and Jimmy Fallon? Are they just picking people at random now? I was hoping I’d never have to see Melissa’s fat ugly face on this show again, but apparently they’re not going to grant me that mercy.

• NINE. MINUTES. That’s how long this wankfest is. And with every passing minute, you can see a part of James Austin Johnson’s soul leave his body.

Monologue

Martin goes around the studio and sings a song about how awesome it is to take away airtime from the cast oops I mean Christmas.

• Another musical monologue? I know Marty typically does them, but we’ve had like 200 of them already this season.

• And we get the usual corny use of cast members as backup dancers.

• We’re now going backstage for the first time since Maya’s last monologue.

• There’s the showgirls who usually appear in the backstage setting. Abe Lincoln can also be seen talking to Jesus nearby.

• By the way, James Austin Johnson’s appearance in this scene is his only appearance all night. This is frankly getting ridiculous.

• I did get a laugh from Martin suddenly tossing a kid dummy aside.

• Holy crap, it’s Lorne! We haven’t seen him in forever! Also there is Jimmy Fallon again. Apparently, he and Martin got into a (fake) feud on The Tonight Show, so now they’re going to make up.

• *sigh* I can’t believe that SNL still wants us to laugh at the sight of two men kissing each other. That just docked an extra point from this monologue’s rating.

Sketch: Parking Lot

Two men try to park in the same spot and chaos ensues.

• The mall seen in the establishing shot is Palisades Center in West Nyack, NY.

• Really??? We’re doing a rehash of that Traffic sketch from the Quinta Brunson episode? 

• Mikey’s performance in the original version was one of his best. Here, he just seems to be going through the motions.

• Near the end, we get an unwelcome appearance from Melissa McCarthy rubbing her fugly face against the window. I almost vomited the first time I saw this.

• Already a bad sign for the rest of the episode if this is the material we’re starting with.

Film: An Act of Kindness

A woman helps out a homeless man during the holiday season.

• I feel like Kenan’s barely gotten any lead roles this season.

• This seems to be a rewrite of that sketch with Cecily and James Franco from Season 43 (a sketch I regret criticizing).

• We just had a sketch with Mikey screaming. Now he’s doing it again? How versatile!

• Kenan’s performance of this character is so old hat.

• As if last week wasn’t enough, the ending randomly reveals that this was a commercial for Fox News. UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHJXOUSBEKFX SASDIDHEVIRLFMDHELDDRHILRRNRGYERDXDUELRIRRURRBEIEELEVEHEIE *Please Stand By* Whew, sorry about that. I got a little carried away.

Sketch: Airport Parade

SNL’s airplane fetish returns!

• Yay, more recycling!!! I barely even liked the first installment of this sketch, so what makes them think I’m going to like it a second time?

• At least Jason Momoa looked like he was having a good time in the first one. Marty just looks dead inside.

• Now we’re getting another appearance from Wiig?!? 

• For some reason, the audience doesn’t applaud for Paul Rudd’s cameo until he says his name.

• FUUUUUCK!!!! Another Melissa McCarthy appearance!!! Get your fat ass out of here!

• Speaking of asses, we get a horrific scene at the end where Marcello shakes his ass for the camera. Jesus Christ, this guy is just getting desperate. Unsurprisingly, the women in the audience are eating this shit up.

Musical Performance: “Too Sweet”

Weekend Update (featuring A Drone)

• Colin has a great reaction to the freaks in the audience cheering for Mangione.

• Michael screws up his horrible Eric Trump joke by saying “bubble rape” instead of “bubble wrap”.

• *Bowen enters as a drone* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE BOWEN YANG!!!!!! 

• I have no more words to say about this horrible, showboating performer that I haven’t already said, so let me just quote Blood Meridian: “I have to wonder when this guy will ever grow up and start to actually act his age.” Harsh, but true!

• And now we get a Joke Swap? If this were a few seasons ago, I’d be cheering right now. But because these guys have been doing the same shtick for ELEVEN SEASONS, it’s hard to get excited for it anymore.

• As I expected, this format has gotten way too stale. Che suggests that Jost read all of his jokes in a “black” voice, which would be funny if they haven’t spent eleven seasons implying that Colin is a secret racist. 

• It also isn’t helping that they can barely even deliver the jokes because they’re too busy laughing at themselves. Just shut up and read the damn jokes already!!!

• The part with Jost being forced to read a joke about his wife is also extremely stupid and predictable. Maybe it would have worked better if she was actually in the room with them?

• Overall, this is definitely the worst Update of the season, and probably one of the worst of all time.

Sketch: Sábado Gigante

Marcello yells at the top of his lungs for no reason yet again.

• Oh, you have got to be kidding me. This has to be one of the laziest episodes ever! Why are they bringing back this horrible sketch that nobody except for Marcello’s fangirls actually liked?

• Yep, they’re doing the exact same routine as last time, except the person they pick from the audience is Paul Rudd. You know, the guy who ISN’T the host?!!?? In fact, Martin is nowhere to be seen in this sketch! What’s up with that? He’d be perfect for it!!!

• I was rather shocked to find out that Jimmy Fowlie had nothing to do with the writing of these. They are actually collaborations between Marcello, Steven Castillo, Dan Bulla, and Bryan Tucker.

• That bit with “Miami Frosty” may be one of the worst things I have ever seen on a television show. So unfunny, random for the sake of random, and just pointless.

• Just because we didn’t have enough of him in our lives already, Dana Carvey makes his 1,227,356th cameo of the season! WHYYYYYYYYY????? There’s nobody in the cast who needs more airtime! Just give it to a past his prime cameo who’s already been on way too much!

• If I may quote Blood once again, “Marcello’s bug-eyed reactions feel more fitting in a shitty, foreign kids show than SNL. Guess that’s a good career path for him eventually.”

Musical Performance: “Fairytale of New York”

Sketch: A Charlie Brown Christmas

A new acting teacher is unbearable during Christmas play rehearsals.

• Since when did Freeform show A Charlie Brown Christmas? Oh, that’s right, they don’t!!!

• Why does the audience applaud when Kenan is shown as Snoopy? Is it just because “Hey! I recognize that character!”

• I’m getting that bad feeling once again…

• Martin’s stereotypically gay acting teacher is so, so broad.

• Even in this sketch, Marcello has to sneak in his mugging routine. 

• Why does Sally call her brother by his full name? Doesn’t she usually just call him “big brother”?

• To make things worse, we now have Bowen playing a typical Bowen role. Ugh, I hate this guy so much you have no idea.

• It’s sad that even one of the only original sketches in this episode is GODAWFUL. What the fuck happened to the writing staff this week???

Cut for Time: The Grinch

Bloodshed comes to Whoville when The Grinch tries turning over a new leaf.

• “We now return to…” NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

• Pretty good makeup on Marty as the Grinch. I also like the use of stop-motion for his dog.

• They captured the style of the movie really well. So far, this isn’t so bad…but I just know they’re going to ruin it somehow.

• Aaaaaaaand there we go. The star falls on Mikey’s head and this randomly turns into a variation of the amazing Christmas Carol short from Martin’s last episode.

• It was really cathartic seeing Bowen as the Mayor get shocked to death.

• None of the gory scenes are as funny this time, because I’ve seen this routine before. They’re even copying the scenes of Scooby-Doo cowering in fear from the last variation they did of this.

• Holy shit, Lucy fucking Liu!!!! Why would they cut out a Lucy Liu cameo?!???

• I like how the katana handle is colored like the Cat in the Hat’s hat.

• While this wasn’t the worst rehash ever, it pales in comparison to the first one.

Final thoughts: Holy. Shit. That was one of the worst Christmas episodes ever. So many unnecessary cameos, way too many rehashed sketches, and the Weekend Update anchors reaching new levels of annoyance. What a criminal waste of Martin Short. I went into this episode expecting to see him be funny, but instead he played second fiddle to a bunch of member berries. 

Best sketches: Hozier’s musical performances were pretty good.

Worst sketches: Five-Timers Club, Airport Parade, Weekend Update, Sábado Gigante, Melissa McCarthy’s fugly face

Next review: Dave Chappelle/GloRilla

SNL Reviews: Chris Rock/Gracie Abrams (12/14/24)

 Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…

“The line where he confuses NBC for STDs (it makes sense in context) was funny.” (from Dan Levy/Phoebe Bridgers, 2021)

Cold Open: Crime Stories with Nancy Grace

Nancy Grace investigates the UnitedHealthcare CEO’s murder.

• Really? People still care about Nancy Grace? This would have been a great sketch in…2005!

• Sarah isn’t even trying to imitate Grace’s voice, just doing her usual shouty voice but with a Southern inflection.

• No comment on that “Game over, Luigi” joke, which features the Mario death sound because someone at SNL has a weird Mario fetish. Is MovieBob working there?

• Ugh, Sarah’s going really hard on the mugging and silly pronunciations.

• Ashley shows up for like ten seconds only to be cut off by Sarah.

• Is Marcello intentionally trying to blow out my eardrums? Someone needs to tell him to tone down the yelling shtick.

• Kenan’s appearance here just made me realize that he was barely in the last episode.

• Every time Sarah says “crountry”, a part of my soul dies.

• I refuse to say anything more about this poor attempt at satire, so let’s just move on.

Monologue

Chris Rock does standup about Trump, Biden, and Mike Tyson getting his ass kicked by Jake Paul.

• Great point about how no one would care about Luigi Mangione if he looked like Jonah Hill.

• Chris, speaking about Jake Paul: “Who’s he gonna beat next? Morgan Freeman?”

• I love the line about Elon Musk having more kids than the entirety of the Cleveland Browns.

• This was a huge step up from his last monologue. So many funny lines, even the Trump ones!

Sketch: Mall Santas 

Nobody wants to sit with a black Santa.

• As soon as they revealed the two Santas, I knew exactly what the joke was going to be.

• Good laugh from Andrew claiming that his family is Jewish when he’s being pressured to choose a Santa.

• What a waste of James. His Santa doesn’t get to speak.

• Devon: “‘Blanta’ is not a thing, please do not call me that!”

• I love how Chloe immediately chooses the black Santa after being told there is also a queer, female Santa.

• Great ending with Emil as an Arab Santa.

Sketch: Simpsons Christmas Gift

A man imagines what his life would be like as a Simpsons character.

• I refuse to believe that picture came from the app that turns you into a Simpsons character. It looks too good for that.

• “Susan Wheels”? Who comes up with this stuff?

• I wonder who drew the scenes in Chris’s “episode”?

• Chloe’s Marge impression is pretty lousy, but I still laughed.

• This wasn’t too bad for what it was. I honestly didn’t remember laughing at it the first time.

Film: Grandpa’s Magic Car

A racist car refuses to let black people inside.

• “Did the car just start on its own?” Thanks, Chloe, we can see that.

• Wow, the car won’t let any of the black people in. What a hilarious and unexpected twist!

• Half of the dialogue in this sketch is just everyone explaining to us what’s happening. We have fucking eyes!!! You don’t need to explain everything to us!

• And now the car just smacked Chloe on the ass with its door (which Chloe helpfully points out). Get it? Because all men in the 50’s were sexist!!!

• The part with the radio repeating “White…power!” over and over is so hacky.

• “Kerbie’s…sorry?” Uh, yeah, ya THINK?!!?? I couldn’t tell by the grille on its front “frowning”.

• To make this even more hacky, we have that stupid overused twist ending where this is revealed to be an ad for Lyft. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!

• Just about the only interesting thing about this sketch is that the car they used (which is a vintage 1953 Chevy Bel Air) was sold on Facebook Marketplace not long after this aired.

Sketch: Sexual Harassment Charlie

Creepy old Charlie is being fired for sexual harassment once again.

• Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! They’re doing this shit again for the first time in SIX YEARS??!!??? 

• Just to show you how long it’s been, that was long before JAJ, Sarah, or any of the Season 48 newbies were hired.

• All I have to say about this one is that it sucked just like the first two times they did it.

Musical Performance: “That’s So True”

• Fun fact: Would you like to know why this lady has a career? It’s because her father is J.J. Abrams!!!! You know, that really shitty director!

Weekend Update (featuring A Bald Guy and Jane Wickline)

• I like how we’re not starting with Trump jokes for the second week in a row.

• There’s some great stuff in here, especially the part complaining about people leaving behind one-star reviews on Yelp for the McDonald’s where Mangione was caught.

• Never seen that particular photo of young Colin before.

• Michael Che just keeps getting more and more smug with each passing episode. Can someone tell him to stop laughing at everything? Oh, and can they also ask him to stop saying “It’s the 90’s”???

• That Ruth Bader Ginsburg joke was so groanworthy.

• After surprisingly getting a laugh from one last week, we’re back to the “seen here” jokes being annoying and unfunny.

• For the first time in what seems like years, we have an Andrew commentary! YES!!!

• In this one, he’s playing a bald guy. Between this and that song about bald guys from a few episodes ago, somebody on the writing staff seems to have baldness on their mind.

• This is the type of stupid, but funny humor that Andrew excels at. I wish he got more chances to show it off.

• The part where he covers his head with his turtleneck has me in stitches.

• This is the best commentary we’ve had in a long time.

• Jane Wickline’s third commentary in the last few episodes. I don’t know why she’s been getting all these commentaries while Ashley Padilla hasn’t gotten a single one. Oh wait, I do know, it’s because of nepotism!

• All of this Sabrina Carpenter pandering the show’s been doing this season is really stupid. No offense to Jane, because she seems like a nice girl, but this wasn’t the best use of her talents, whatever those may be.

Sketch: Gallbladder Surgery

“Wacky” shenanigans occur during surgery.

• The reveal of Sarah as a “wacky” character already sets a bad tone for the rest of this sketch.

• Would it surprise you at all to know that this was written by Jimmy Fowlie?

• “Lizlie”? “Aloysius Cooter”? God, these names just keep getting worse.

• Suddenly we have a cameo from Adam Sandler. Can we go a single episode without a gratuitous cameo???

• I am at least happy to see Sandler on the show again. He hasn’t appeared since the second At Home episode.

• Aaaaaaaaaaand this is now a blood-spurting sketch. You know how much I love those, right?

• I like how Sandler isn’t even trying to hide the hose he’s squirting the blood from.

• And now he just broke the fourth wall for some reason. Why? I dunno.

• Oh, I almost forgot. Sarah is trying not to break during this chaotic scene. Save that shit for backstage!

• What a horrible mess, and not just the bloody parts! This shouldn’t have even made it to air. And couldn’t they have given Adam Sandler a better role than a fucking corpse?

Musical Performance: “I Love You, I’m Sorry”

Film: Office Christmas Party Extravaganza

How to spice up your boring old party at the office!

• A great concept, and it reminds me of the classic Kickspit Underground Festival sketches. (“Imma live forever!”)

• Lots of crew member cameos here.

• JAJ’s narration is hilarious!

• I love the face on the guy who drinks the beer.

• I’m getting more laughs from the narration than the sketch itself, but this is still really good.

• My biggest laugh was somewhat unintentional, but I love how obvious the stunt double is when Mikey falls off the table. 

Sketch: Blind Date

A woman’s blind date gets ruined.

• Michael: “I’ll be back with a menu when I feel like it.”

• I feel like we rarely see Ego play this type of role. It’s a welcome change from her usual sassy black woman types.

• Chris’s constant requests to have sex in the car would be annoying in any other sketch, but that’s kind of the point here.

• Kind of a bizarre ending where Ego prefers Chris over the guy she was actually supposed to meet.

• A nice, low-key way to end the show.

Final thoughts: While not perfect, this episode was tolerable. Probably Chris Rock’s best hosting stint since his first.

Best sketches: Monologue, Andrew’s commentary, Office Christmas Party Extravaganza

Worst sketches: Cold Open, Grandpa’s Magic Car, Gallbladder Surgery

Next review: Martin Short/Hozier

SNL Reviews: Paul Mescal/Shaboozey (12/7/24)

 Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is:

“McKinnon shows up to make my ears bleed as Little Orphan Annie, singing a song about Mike Bloomberg to the tune of “Tomorrow”. I bet Stooge is going to love this sketch.” (from John Mulaney/David Byrne, 2020)

Sadly, Stooge never reached that episode.

Cold Open: Church Chat

Our old friend the Church Lady is back to chat with some more weirdos.

• Well, this is a surprise! I never thought we’d see another Church Chat!!! But since Dana’s been living at Studio 8H this season, I guess they decided to take the plunge?

• Dana looks even more like an old biddy now that he’s aged. Unfortunately, his age also means that he can’t really do the voice that well anymore.

• 2024 is “the most Satanic year in history”? Damn right!

• Ugh, more Wicked references. Spoiler alert, there’s more coming up later in the show…

• Church Lady: “You know who’s the best carpenter? Jesus!” I could have done without her singing that Sabrina Carpenter song, though.

• NOOOOO!!!!! Not Sarah’s Matt Gaetz “impression” again!!!! 

• Sarah’s going heavy on the mugging, even blatantly calling attention to it at one point.

• The “You had me at seventeen” joke was just awful.

• WTF??!!?? David Spade as Hunter Biden???? 

• This “tell, don’t show” style of writing really hurts these cold opens. Witness Spade’s line about how people only went after him because of his last name, “and because of all the illegal things I did”. 

• Surprised it took Dana a few minutes to say “Well isn’t that special?”

• I don’t know who Juan Soto is, but Marcello is using the EXACT. SAME. VOICE. Jesus Christ, man, can you show a little more effort???

• I like the “Satan Had A Good Year” song at the end.

• A sad, limp revival of a classic recurring sketch. Maybe I would have liked it better if Dana hasn’t constantly been making cameos this season?

Monologue

Paul Mescal talks about his comedy stylings and clears up some nasty rumors about the Irish.

• No idea what to say about the montage of him getting emotional in his films.

• A reference to that U2 album on iTunes? Wow, way to keep up with the times, SNL. That album came out…TEN YEARS AGO!!!!! The Amazing World of Gumball beat you to it!

• When it comes to Irish hosts clearing up stereotypes about themselves, this feels like a ripoff of Gabriel Byrne’s monologue from 1995, except we don’t get Colin Quinn and Fred Wolf dancing in the background.

• Marcello’s bit at the end is just unnecessary. It’s another instance of him just being thrown in to capitalize on his popularity with the ladies.

Sketch: Earring

Parents overreact when their son comes home with an ear piercing.

• Nice to see Emil get a lead role.

• I have a feeling that Mescal’s hat was supposed to be covering the piercing entirely, because the other characters act so surprised when it’s revealed, even though you can clearly see it before he takes the hat off. Maybe something got lost in translation?

• We’ve barely seen Heidi all season, but this sketch has her regressing into some of her worst habits. She’s overly shouty, especially compared to Emil’s more restrained performance.

• Again with the bisexual jokes? 

• I liked what this was going for, but I think it needed someone else in the mother role, or at least given Heidi better direction.

Film: Gladiator Twosical

Based on the success of Wicked, the producers of Gladiator II have decided to make it a musical!

• More shilling for Wicked, I see. 

• Having not seen either of these movies, I have little interest in the main joke of this sketch. The Broadway fags in the audience and on the writing staff are probably eating it up, though!

• My biggest problem with this, though, is that it just feels way too bland. Even compared to something like that gritty Mario Kart trailer from a couple seasons ago, it feels like nobody working on this had any passion. It’s just, hey, there’s a couple of really popular movies out right now and we can profit off of them by pretending to parody them and we’ll get a lot of positive press!!!!!

• Compare this with something like the iconic and heartbreaking “Love Is A Dream” short film, and you’ll see how far this show’s standards have fallen. That felt like it was made by people who cared, and this bland piece of shit musical was made by people who only want brownie points from the legacy media for referencing a popular thing.

• I know, I’ve spent waaaaaay too long complaining about a seemingly harmless sketch, but that’s just the way I feel. 

Sketch: Italian Restaurant Commercial

Two actors go off script during a film shoot.

• Holy cow, Mikey still exists! He didn’t appear at all in the previous episode, for some reason.

• Ashley gets a big role, too! Now all we need is for Jane to get one and all three newbies will have one in this episode!

• One thing I haven’t missed from Mikey’s absence last time was the usual over explanation that his characters like to do.

• I’m loving all the bad pasta puns.

• I love Paul telling Ashley she’s going to get punched in the face if she makes another pun.

• For such a dumb sketch, this was actually pretty funny.

Please Don’t Destroy: Paul Mescal Is Daddy

Paul Mescal shares his dream life with the boys.

• I honestly forgot these guys were in this episode.

• I feel like we haven’t seen them in their usual office setting in forever.

• Kind of like the one that got cut from the last episode, this has a nice mix of charm and laughs.

• The random gunfight near the end is amazing.

• Sadly, as of this writing, we haven’t seen another Please Don’t Destroy film. If this does end up being their last, then the shot of Paul gently tucking the guys into bed is a fitting and heartwarming end to their time on the show.

Sketch: All Male Revue

A historically-accurate striptease ruins a perfect night out.

• *looks at title of sketch* Uh-oh, I’m getting a bad feeling about this…

• Heidi’s airheaded delivery of “I like guys” was kind of funny.

• *sigh* More reacting-and-explaining. We can see what’s happening for ourselves, thank you!!!!

• Another laugh from Heidi saying that she can’t wait to see the “booty”, if you know what I mean.

• Our latest example of Mikey failing at a British accent.

• James’s voice is perfect.

• Marcello’s costume reminds me of Captain Feathersword from The Wiggles, for some reason. Unsurprisingly, the audience goes nuts when he declares that he is going to take his shirt off. Thankfully, he gets thrown overboard immediately after that.

• Chloe: “I think they threw the sick one out to sea.” NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!!

• Nice effects work with Emil’s peg legs.

• I think Paul screwed something up when he throws Heidi overboard. You can see Heidi bounce when she hits the ground, and the water comes from somewhere that’s nowhere near where she landed.

• A horrible mix of Jimmy Fowlie-brand homoeroticism and Seiday overexplanation. Pick your poison!

Musical Performance: “Good News”

Weekend Update (featuring A Mom Who’s Son Just Got Famous)

• Rather refreshing that we’re not starting with Trump jokes. Instead, we have a series of good jokes about the Luigi Mangione case, which I had honestly forgotten about until now.

• My favorite joke was the one about how hard it is to find a murderer on a Port Authority bus.

• Call me insane, but I actually laughed at a “seen here” joke!

• I genuinely laughed out loud at the joke about Biden going to Africa just to visit “his friend Barack”. Sadly, Che has to ruin it once again by uttering that annoying “It’s the 90’s” bullshit!

• Um, Colin, you do realize that Sprint Wireless doesn’t exist anymore, right?

• There are some good jokes in here. If only they would stop laughing at them all the time!

• Our latest annoying Update commentary from Heidi. This time, she’s some woman with a son (Marcello) who just got famous.

• The writer’s guide I use doesn’t say who wrote this, but judging by the fact that Heidi is in it, and coupled with the  voice she’s doing, makes me think it was Jimmy Fowlie.

• This was a pretty strong Update by recent standards, except for that commentary. 

Sketch: Brilliant Lawyer

Mr. Landon supposedly has multiple foolproof plans to defend his employee.

• Amazing sight of Paul wearing a Devo hat and a false beard.

• Another amazing sight of the entire courtroom wearing the same outfit.

• Andrew is killing me here! This just has to be a sketch that he wrote!

• Fantastic part where everyone “shuffles” around to confuse the court.

• Bowen: “Your client is not a buff, African-American man!” Bowen’s performance as the judge is surprisingly good. That line in particular was really funny.

• Andrew: “If we win this case, I will give you ORAL!!!”

• I had completely forgotten how hilarious this was. Andrew’s comedic voice has been mostly absent up to this point, and I’m glad to see it again.

Musical Performance: “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”

Sketch: Spotify Wrapped

A group of friends discusses their Spotify Wrapped, whatever that is.

• Andrew’s line at the beginning about Ira Glass was hilarious and random.

• Time for more “fellow kids” material.

• Paul just sounds so weird having to say all this millennial dialogue.

• Well, one step forward for Bowen in the last sketch, and we’re ten steps backwards with this one. I sense Jimmy Fowlie again.

• This is pure comedy cancer. I know I say that a lot, but I’m serious! Just watching anything with Bowen Yang is enough to give me cancer!

• Now we get an unwelcome cameo from some fat woman named Trisha Paytas. Who is Trisha Paytas? I don’t know, but apparently she’s some big shot in the podcast community. 

• I could go on and on about how horrible this sketch is, but I recommend reading Blood Meridian’s review, because he sums it up much better than I ever could. TLDR: SNL really needs to stop appealing to millennials.

Sketch: BuzzFeed Red Carpet

SNL tries to cash in on that Bob Dylan film.

• Really? More social media garbage???

• Chloe’s Timothée Chalamet impression makes yet another unfunny appearance. Stop trying to push this like it’s an “iconic” impression that people will remember years from now.

• Enough with the “brat summer” references!

• Things start to pick up a bit when James enters as Bob Dylan. Unlike Chloe, this is an impression that I want to see more of!!! Even funnier, he’s actually in the movie that this is making fun of.

• Andrew doesn’t really sound a lot like Bruce Springsteen, but he makes up for it by having funny dialogue.

• Paul’s impression of Bono is also spot-on and hilarious.

• I actually did laugh at Heidi clarifying that BuzzFeed legally requires her to ask the “brat summer” question.

• This part with Bono whining about climate change is so accurate.

• If it wasn’t for Chloe being annoying, I would have liked this even more.

Final thoughts: Despite having never heard of him before, I thought Paul Mescal was a really funny host who made a somewhat bland episode better with his presence. 

Best sketches: Italian Restaurant Commercial, Paul Mescal Is Daddy, Brilliant Lawyer

Worst sketches: Cold Open, All Male Revue, Spotify Wrapped

Next review: Chris Rock/Gracie Abrams

SNL Reviews: Charli XCX (11/16/24)

 Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…

“As of late, SNL has gotten a reputation of being a “meme-killer”. When this aired, a bunch of people (who I am very thankful for) tweeted their displeasure at this awful sketch and the unfunny woman behind it, saying that SNL ruined the meme for them. Sure enough, I haven’t seen anything else about this meme since then, which I’m okay with because I didn’t find it that funny anyway. But I prefer memes over shitty SNL sketches by a wide margin.” (from Ariana DeBose/Bleachers, 2022)

Cold Open: Trump and Biden Meeting

President Biden and President-elect Trump discuss important matters.

• This is thankfully the last episode I have to cover with Dana’s horrendous Joe Biden impression.

• WTF???? A “This is fine” reference in 2024???? Jesus fucking Christ, SNL, can you update your internet meme references??? Or, even better, just don’t do them at all!!!!

• Looking at Dana’s bland, muggy impression next to James’ spot-on impression is just pathetic.

• I did laugh at Andrew shouting about moving to Canada.

• Another reference to eating pets…which happened two months ago.

• AUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! That is fucking terrifying!!! Now we have Sarah playing Matt Gaetz for no reason, other than that SNL loves having women play male politicians that they hate.

• Sarah hasn’t been doing too badly so far this season, but this is the kind of stuff I don’t like seeing.

• Oh, wow, they just had Matt Gaetz say “Giggity giggity”! So edgy!!!!

• PLEASE GO AWAY, ALEC BALDWIN!!!! Your shitty RFK, Jr. impression isn’t funny! It’s just a rougher version of the Trumpwin voice!!!

• Good God, these cameo-infested cold opens are gonna be the death of me. I am so sick of seeing them!

Monologue

Charli talks about the start of her career and what “Brat” means.

• I have to say, I’m finding her accent really annoying.

• Holy shit, Kyle Mooney out of nowhere!!! In hindsight, I know why he’s here, but it’s such a pleasure to see him again.

• A rather bland monologue compared to the awesome one we had last time. You know it’s bad when the best part was a random cameo.

Sketch: Babymoon

A couple gets a big surprise during a “babymoon”.

• Right from the setup, it’s obvious what’s going on here. Remember that dumb Domingo sketch? Well, because it blew up on TikTok, they decided to make it recurring…only FOUR episodes after they did it!!!

• I remember when this first aired, my brother asked, “Didn’t they do this already?” Usually, he has no idea whether or not they’ve already done a sketch, but even he could recognize this routine!

• Yep, so far, this is exactly the same as the first one, except they’re doing a parody of a Chappell Roan song this time instead of a Sabrina Carpenter song.

• Predictable applause when Domingo makes his appearance. Barf!

• Overall, I think I liked that one even less than the original.

Film: Wicked Auditions

A series of auditions for the new Wicked movie.

• Yay, more corporate synergy!!! Get ready for a bunch of Wicked references in the next few episodes!

• Ugh, Chloe’s stupid JoJo Siwa impression is back.

• Devon’s Shannon Sharpe is okay, but not as great as Jay Pharoah’s.

• Bowen in drag!!! UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

• Speaking of drag, we get our second drag role from Sarah, this time as Bernie Sanders. And that’s still not the worst thing she does in this episode!

• Why is there so much Chloe in this? She’s a shitty impressionist! I guess the reason is because she wrote it, along with the last shitty impression showcase they did.

• Unwelcome return of that horrible Charli XCX impression that Bowen did in the premiere. We also get another Troye Sivan impression, this time from Charli herself.

• Another fucking Dana cameo, this time as Al Pacino? And it’s a really shitty Al Pacino!!!

• Marcello plays two people here, both of whom sound identical to each other. Can Lorne please hire some more impressionists?

• Have you noticed someone missing from this? Where the fuck is James?!!?? He’s the best impressionist in the cast, and he’s nowhere to be seen!!! Apparently, he did have a role in dress rehearsal that got cut out, I guess so we could have time for more “wacky” Chloe shenanigans.

• Probably the worst of these screen test sketches. There wasn’t a single one I laughed at.

Sketch: Thanksgiving Baking Championship

Another edition of the baking show where everything always seems to go wrong.

• First appearance of this sketch in THREE YEARS. What the fuck happened to the writers this week that made them bring out such old material?

• I may be in the minority, but I never get tired of this sketch, though I am questioning why it’s back tonight.

• Marcello’s lame “cornu-hopia” pun was funny.

• Marcello’s creepy Pilgrim cake randomly driving off the table was a fun new twist. 

• Charli’s cake may be the filthiest one ever shown on this sketch. 

• The hat on Heidi’s cake starts moving before she’s supposed to activate it.

• So I take it the only reason Kyle appeared in the cold open is because he was going to be in this sketch? Whatever, I’m not complaining, because his usual pee-pee shaped cake is just as funny as always.

• I really liked this, but I am starting to get a little tired of the format. Maybe they should retire it.

Digital Short: Here I Go

A man and woman sing about their love of snitching.

• Another unnecessary Digital Short revival? Hopefully this one is better than that glory hole one from a few episodes ago.

• This is a little catchier than the last one.

• James appears for like two seconds. Christ, what do they have against him?

• I like the “Phones With Which To Snitch”.

• Hilarious random appearance from Colin as a man getting arrested.

• While not as good as their classics, this was a big step up from the last one. 

Sketch: Banger Boyz

Podcast bros gloat about Donald Trump’s victory.

• All three guys here are perfectly cast for this type of podcast.

• I don’t know why, but I really like the delivery of Andrew’s line talking about who built the pyramids.

• Nice stereotypical “dudebro” objects in the background, including a Power Glove. (It’s so bad!)

• Some funny disturbing sponsors, such as a nicotine patch for children. I’m surprised they didn’t mention Raid: Shadow Legends!

• Marcello: “My dad’s 64 and he still kicks my ass every week!”

• Not a fan of the running gag where Trump keeps calling up to make each one of them part of his administration. Apart from that, though, this was a pretty funny satire of those ridiculous “bro” podcasts.

Musical Performance: “360”

Weekend Update (featuring Joe Exotic and Peanut’s widow)

• Lots of Matt Gaetz jokes tonight, none of which are funny.

• Bowen plays Joe Exotic, the Tiger King guy, because we all know he’s famous for being Asian.

• This commentary is pure cancer, especially the idiotic running “gag” where he keeps getting attacked by a tiger’s paw.

• It’s been a while since we’ve gotten an example of Weekend Update’s airplane fetish.

• UGGGHHHH!!!! Che does his annoying “It’s the 90’s” bullshit again! The only reason I bring this up is because I recently read an article that explains why he’s been saying it so much. Apparently, he uses the phrase to mock “woke culture” by saying it after deliberately offensive jokes. Well, it’s not working!

• Hey, didn’t Sarah already play a grieving widow on Update before? Yeah, but that was for an owl. This one’s a squirrel! So different!!!! By the way, this is in reference to a story that happened several weeks ago. Did you expect anything less?

• Back to the Jost Roast routine yet again!!!! After doing surprisingly well in the last few episodes, Sarah has inexplicably reverted back to how she was in Season 49: annoying and unfunny.

Sketch: Acting Teacher

An acting teacher employs very unorthodox methods.

• I don’t really buy Marcello in this role. It should have gone to someone older and more experienced.

• I like Chloe and Andrew’s recreation of a Skyrizi commercial.

• Despite my complaints, Marcello is actually doing pretty well. His usual loud, over-the-top delivery actually fits this kind of character.

• One particularly great part is when Marcello growls in Andrew’s face. I don’t know why that was necessary, but it works.

• As I’ve said before, is it any wonder that one of the better sketches of this bland episode is one that isn’t a rehash?

Musical Performance: “Sympathy Is A Knife”

Sketch: It Girl Thanksgiving Special

A “chic” twist on a traditional Thanksgiving special.

• *groan* Gee, I wonder who wrote this sketch??? *looks at writing credits and sees Jimmy Fowlie’s name* Oh, wow, what a shock!!!!

• This is the type of humor that I really cannot stand on this show. Save this campy shit for Bravo!

• I can’t judge the accuracy of a lot of these impressions, but I’m 100% sure none of them are any good.

• Heidi’s Cher impression is just embarrassing. 

• This sketch reminds me a lot of that Godawful Charli XCX talk show from the premiere. Which makes sense, because that was also a Jimmy Fowlie “masterpiece”.

Sketch: Shrek: The Musical

Tension rises between friends at Shrek: The Musical.

• Corporate synergy!!!!

• You can see a glimpse of the cue cards when Charli’s character enters the sketch.

• No comment on the “unalive” line.

• A Despicable Me mention? Yay, more corporate synergy!!!!

• I didn’t quite understand Sarah’s line about how “directors can be men too”. Uh, no shit???

• Man, what does SNL have against bisexuals? Bowen says “Ew, no!” when accused of being one. 

• Now Bowen has started corpsing. End this fucking shit now!

Note: What the fuck is Punkie doing there??? Did she make a cameo in a sketch that was cut, or was she just dropping in to say hi? Jeez, even after leaving the show, she just can’t get a break!

Cut for Time: Mean Cute

Charli meets the PDD guys.

• Good to see these guys again. Their time on the show is clearly up by now.

• I got a big laugh from Charli calling Ben a “dead-eyed ginger”.

• All of the Italian slurs she’s calling John are pretty funny. Even funnier is that I don’t think he’s Italian.

• I love the gory picture that Martin shows off.

• This was a nice mix of heart and humor, very unlike a lot of their other shorts. It’s a shame that this will probably end up being their final season.

Final thoughts: An overabundance of rehashes, failed attempts at being “hip”, overexposed cast members being annoying, a lack of JAJ, all of this season’s biggest issues were here! 

Best sketches: Thanksgiving Baking Championship, Here I Go, Mean Cute (Cut)

Worst sketches: Cold Open, Babymoon, Wicked Auditions, Sarah’s commentary, It Girl Thanksgiving Special

Next review: Paul Mescal/Shaboozey (worst name for a musician EVER!)