Cold Open: Cabinet Meeting
President Trump introduces his cabinet during a conference.
• Trump again??? Jeez, not even Trumpwin was this overused.
• Please stop trying to make Marco Rubio a nice person.
• On the bright side, Jeremy has taken over as JD Vance, replacing Bowen’s awful, baffling take from last season.
• The line about Stephen Miller reacting in horror to a Bible is pointless and hacky. Get it? Because he’s evil or something!
• Marcello gets in a bit of his usual Spanish babbling routine before Trump cuts him off. Because Trump hates Hispanic people!!!
• Trump explains what he’s about to do during Vance’s speech, once again ruining the joke.
• Sure enough, that’s what he does! Yay! I love when they explain the jokes!!!!
• Ashley takes over the Kristi Noem impression from Tina Fey. Unsurprisingly, she does a much better job.
• I know that the “Noem, I don’t” pun was supposed to be corny, but I still groaned.
• Uggghhhh, Colin’s baffling Pete Hegseth is back again. The amount of time Colin has gotten outside of Update these past couple of seasons is insane.
Monologue
Finn talks about growing up on the Stranger Things set.
• As I have said before, I have never watched a single episode of Stranger Things, nor do I plan to, so there’s probably going to be a lot of jokes going over my head.
• We get shown a clip from the series, and I guess it’s supposed to be funny that they dubbed over his voice, but I’m just scratching my head.
• Ha-ha, the monster looks like a vagina!!! Aren’t you just shitting your pants with laughter?
• Now they’re doing spit-takes? Am I watching an episode of Carol Burnett and Friends?
• Random appearances from two of his co-stars, neither of whom I know the names of. Sorry.
Sketch: Snack Homiez
Teen podcasters discuss looksmaxxing.
• Not this shit again. SNL really is that desperate for recurring characters, I guess.
• Ugh, they even brought back Sabrina Carpenter just so they could do this. Why is this show constantly blowing smoke up Sabrina Carpenter’s ass? She’s not even a good singer.
• At least Finn is actually a boy. Maybe he can help salvage this.
• You can just about hear the show’s middle-aged writers’ brain cells exploding while writing such stellar dialogue as “gooning” and “looksmaxxing”.
• I’m being completely serious when I say that watching this sketch makes me feel nauseous. Every single line of dialogue fills me with bile. In fact, I think I’d better move on to the next sketch before I vomit all over the screen.
Film: Heated Wizardry
Harry Potter goes GAY!!!!
• I like Harry Potter, but I have no idea what this other show is supposed to be.
• The moment Finn and Ben touched each other’s hands, I knew this was gonna suck.
• Nice, now they have the teachers openly lusting over children. And JAJ’s Snape impression is surprisingly lousy.
• That scene where they have sex under the Invisibility Cloak is the definition of super hacky.
• Pointless scene with Kenan as Mad-Eye Moody. No, he doesn’t bother with the accent, why do you even need to ask?
• Unsurprisingly, they throw a bit of shade at J.K. Rowling too, by way of a fake review from her that says she had nothing to do with this.
• Jason Momoa is wasted with a pointless cameo as Hagrid. This only makes me sadder that Robbie Coltrane never got to appear on the show.
• I’m sure Momoa was really happy that he got to deliver the wonderful line, “You’re a homo, Harry”.
• It baffles me that in our current, open-minded society, we still get homophobic shit like this, straight out of Season 30.
Sketch: Boy Band
The former star of a boy band wants his indie rock loving son to follow in his footsteps.
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