Cold Opening: NATO Cafeteria
Trump is heckled by other world leaders in a cafeteria.
• The celebrity cameos start early with Jimmy Fallon as Justin Trudeau, Paul Rudd as Emmanuel Macron, and waste of space James Corden as Boris Johnson. None of them look or sound like who they are meant to be portraying.
• When Baldwin’s Trump entered, I immediately lost all hope in this sketch (not that I had much to begin with).
• They make a joke about how Trump refuses to sit with the other world leaders. GET IT? CUZ TRUMP’S A RACIST!!!
• What’s their biting satire of Justin Trudeau? Um, he has a funny voice and says “sorey” a lot. You know, because he’s Canadian. They almost certainly would have made a blackface joke about him if this cold opening wasn’t focused on Trump, or maybe they realized how ironic it would have been if Jimmy Fallon played someone who was busted for wearing blackface.
• And, of course, they make a Russian collusion joke, despite the fact that it’s been disproven by this point.
• This is undoubtedly the most painful cold open I have ever sat through.
-200/5
Monologue
Lopez reflects on what a great year she had.
• Yikes! A little too much cleavage you’re showing there, JLo!
• This started out boring, then it turned into our one millionth musical monologue. But at least we get a surprise appearance from none other than The Rockettes, doing what they do best!
2/5
Sketch: Surprise Home Makeover: Holiday Edition
Matt Schatt (Mikey Day) and his wife (Jennifer Lopez) are visited by Becker Cheeks from HGTV, who has a hard time understanding why the two are a couple.
• This character from the Season 42 premiere becomes recurring. The only difference is that the wife is now played by Lopez, instead of Margot Robbie like in the first one.
• Being unfamiliar with the original sketch when I first saw this, when they first said Becker Cheeks’ and Matt Schatt’s names, I was afraid this was going to turn into a “funny names” sketch. While I am happy that it wasn’t, the result wasn’t much better than one of those.
• Bowen Yang (a.k.a. Asian Terry Sweeney) makes his 47,448th appearance as a gay character. As I’ve said numerous times before, PLEASE GIVE HIM SOMETHING ELSE TO DO!!!!
1/5
Short Film: Chad and JLo
Chad joins Jennifer Lopez’s tour as a roadie.
• Not one of Chad’s better appearances. I still say his appearance in that auction sketch from Season 43 is his best.
• The random A-Rod cameo added nothing to this.
1/5
Sketch: What Do You Figure Is Goin’ On In That House?
Three sisters (Aidy Bryant, Lopez, and Kate McKinnon) fight for the attention of the corporal (Beck Bennett).
• The first appearance of those dueling sister characters that I complained about in my review of the John Mulaney episode from later this season.
• This was surprisingly Aidy Bryant’s only appearance in this episode.
• My initial reaction to this sketch when I live-blogged it on Facebook was that I hoped it wasn’t written as someone’s sexual fantasy. JLo makes a lot of moaning noises, and she talks about putting a sausage in her mouth. Then, they shoot the top of her dress off at the end. Creepy stuff.
• I actually thought the Mulaney installment was better than this first one, but I still hope that I never see these characters again.
1/5
Sketch: Them Trumps
A Trump campaign rally, but black!!!
• NOOOOO!!!! Not the black Donald Trump again! This is the THIRD time they’ve done this awful sketch, but, if you ask me, they never should have made the first one. Kenan is a great cast member, but he needs to stay the fuck away from shit like this. I guess I should be thankful that he doesn’t play Jean K. Jean or Virginiaca anymore.
0/5
Musical Performance: “BOP”
Weekend Update (featuring Nancy Pelosi and Jules)
• Starting off with a “hilarious” anti-Catholic joke.
• We finally get a joke about Trudeau’s black shenanigans. Why did they have to wait until Weekend Update to do it, though?
• Kate McKinnon has a commentary as Nancy Pelosi, and GOOD LORD is that the worst Pelosi impression I’ve ever seen. I won’t say anything further, because I’m tired of complaining about McKinnon all the time.
• That Post Malone/“Pre Malone” joke was super corny. It sounds like something Amy Poehler would have done during her tenure.
• Absolutely sick joke about a dog microwaving a cat. As a cat person, I felt disgusted, especially since the cat they showed in the picture looked just like one of my cats.
• Che laughing at his own jokes is getting extremely annoying at this point of his tenure. When are they gonna fire this guy?
• I have no idea who this Jules character is other than the fact that he didn’t make me laugh at all.
1/5
Sketch: Hip-Hop Carolers
A group of singers put a hip-hop spin on holiday classics.
• A rare instance of the musical guest appearing in a sketch.
• I’m getting extremely tired of all the hip-hop shit on SNL lately. This isn’t In Living Color, guys!
1/5
Fake Commercial: Hoops
Custom-made hoop earrings made out of 100% metal.
• Blah. Another lame fake ad.
• Even worse, the only joke in this one is “lol Italian women talk funny”. While this is indeed true (I should know, my family is Italian), it’s not enough to base a whole episode on.
0/5
Fake Commercial: PottyPM
Introducing PottyPM, the new device that allows you to use the restroom without leaving your bed....unless you’re a woman.
• Two fake ads in a row? This is rare.
• Unfortunately, this is another lame potty jokes sketch. I’ll ask again; are there five-year olds writing this show?
0/5
Sketch: Wisconsin Women
Workers in a Wisconsin hardware store lecture their customers on life in Wisconsin’s bear country.
• Yet another “funny accent” sketch. This is, like, the third one in this episode!!!
• I was not surprised at all to find out that James Anderson wrote this one. Further proof that he needs to leave as soon as possible.
• This sketch was so bad that I had to turn the episode off afterwards.
-5/5
Musical Performance: “Suge”
Sketch: Barry’s Bootcamp
Two people take an exercise lesson led by people auditioning to be instructors.
• I missed this sketch when the episode first aired, because, as I mentioned above, I turned it off due to the last sketch being so bad.
• I’m happy that Mikey Day got the lead role in this one.
• Does the description I gave sound familiar to you? It should, because this is the exact same premise as the SoulCycle sketch from a few episodes ago. Only this time, it takes place at some kind of gay club or something.
• Asian Terry Sweeney is back, playing gay character #47,449!
• At least I got some nice eye candy from JLo in this.
0/5
Final thoughts: One of the worst episodes of the season. Jennifer Lopez was a pretty bland host, which is a shame because she wasn’t so bad the last time she hosted. I don’t know if the material is to blame for that or not.
Best sketches: The Rockettes’ appearance
Worst sketches: They all sucked, but I really hated NATO Cafeteria, Them Trumps, Hoops, Wisconsin Women, and Barry’s Bootcamp.
Next review: Scarlett Johansson/Niall Horan
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