Cold Open: Christmas Awards
The 95th Annual Christmas Awards are presented for exceptional holiday foibles.
• Ugh, another award show sketch. If you know SNL, then you know this is gonna suck…
• On the plus side, it’s nice to see a cold open that isn’t political for a change.
• I got a slight chuckle from Bowen’s Ozempic joke.
• Chloe seems to be doing her Jennifer Coolidge voice for the old lady.
• The other Chloe gets to sing yet again. I sure hope they’re not going to typecast her in these roles.
• This sketch is just washing right over me.
Monologue
Kate McKinnon gets help from Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph to sing a song.
• If you know my older reviews, then you know that I am not particularly excited to see Kate again.
• Just hearing her voice again is filling me with dread, especially because I know what’s coming in this monologue…
• HUGE applause when she says she was in that Barbie movie, which I didn’t even know.
• If you remember my feelings on Kate, then you definitely know how I feel about seeing Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph show up for no reason. Three of my least favorite cast members, and all of them singing! Is there a worse Hell than that? I don’t think so!
Sketch: North Pole News
A killer whale attacks the North Pole, and North Pole News is there to cover the aftermath.
• A random return of this sketch from the Eddie Murphy episode…which was FOUR SEASONS AGO! What made them decide to bring it back here???
• Does anyone know where the stereotype of elves having “whimsical” names comes from? I’d really like to know, because I don’t understand it at all. At least we get some hi-larious names here like “Kirby Gigglemuffins” and “Poofy Sillybottom”. Barf!
• Kate only just showed up and I’m already tired of her character. She’s played this type of role way too many times in the past.
• I don’t see what the point of bringing this back was if they’re going to do it without Eddie Murphy. He was the reason that one worked so well.
• The social media posts from other holiday icons failed to raise as much as a chuckle from me.
• No comment on Kate throwing up Skittles.
Fake Ad: Pongo!
The world’s perfect pet is a bizarre animal of indeterminate species.
• Here’s a film I remember loving when it aired.
• Impressive stop-motion work on “Pongo”.
• Chloe: “Does he do tricks?” Narrator: “I dunno, you tell me!”
• Some laughs from the useless things that Pongo does.
• Yet another old lady role from Kate.
• I did laugh at Kate creepily staring through the window with Pongo.
• Call me insane, but I think Kate is actually doing pretty well here. She’s not doing her usual mugging routine, and it reminds me of her stronger performances from her first few seasons.
• Sarah’s breakdown during the climax is one of the best moments of her entire tenure.
• A really sweet ending where it looks like Sarah is about to leave forever, but Pongo cheers her up by placing her paw on her hand.
• Overall, a really good fake ad. One of the best in quite a while, I think.
Sketch: ABBA Christmas
A long lost ABBA Christmas album is advertised.
• Well, after the highest of highs, we get the lowest of lows, with our latest piece of shit from the mind of Kent Sublette.
• Kristen and Maya again?!? Why is Maya playing one of the male members of ABBA? Couldn’t they get one of the guys to do it? Oh wait, that would probably mean giving someone like Andrew Dismukes a big role, and we can’t have that, so let’s have Maya singing for the 1,846th time!
• Bowen is here as well. I didn’t know ABBA had any Chinese members.
• None of the song parodies are making me laugh.
• This “Frostitita” routine is some hacky-ass shit.
• Hey, did you guys ever want to hear Bowen speak in a horrid Swedish accent? No, me neither, but that’s what we’re stuck with.
• Now we’re getting Maya trying to crack Kristen up for no apparent reason. Save that for behind the scenes!
• Listening to them take a dump all over “Waterloo” is particularly painful.
• I can’t believe something like this would make it on the air. This was just an excuse for everyone to crack each other up.
Sketch: Gifts From Mom
“Wacky” stuff happens at a family gathering.
• Seeing JAJ get so much airtime in this episode pleases me.
• This is kind of boring so far.
• Kate: “They’re disgusting, I’m an idiot, and a bitch.” Well, I can’t argue with any of that!
• Overall, this was quite a snooze, but compared to a lot of stuff we’ve seen so far, it was almost brilliant.
Film: Tampon Farm
Some country gals sing about working on a tampon farm.
• Are you kidding me?!?? Now we have Maya and Kristen making their THIRD appearance in this episode!!!
• A big groan from the reveal of what type of farm they’re on.
• Random cameos from Greta Gerwig and Paula Pell. Why? I dunno.
• All of this is washing right over me. Maybe I need to be a girl to understand this.
• I get the feeling they were trying to recreate the magic of the “Lake Beach” song from a few episodes ago. That one was really good, and this is just a pathetic follow up.
Musical Performance: “What Was I Made For?”
Weekend Update (featuring Rich Auntie With No Kids and Dr. Hattie Davis)
• A switch up on the usual “seen here” joke, but it still wasn’t funny.
• Now they’re resorted to jokes about Giuliani pooping his pants.
• I chuckled at Michael’s joke about Chris Sununu.
• Yawn, another commentary with Ego doing her usual deadbeat mom routine.
• I laughed at the joke comparing New Jersey residents to pigs.
• Now we get one of the strangest moments in Che and Jost’s entire tenure. Their Joke Swap routine is back, but with a twist. This time, they have an alleged civil rights activist named “Dr. Hattie Davis” there to watch them. Who is Hattie Davis? Well, she doesn’t exist! That’s right, Jost and Che decided to play a trick on the audience and introduced some random old lady as being a civil rights activist. And it worked! I genuinely thought she was a real person when this aired!
• A huge laugh from Colin’s joke about wanting to send Obama back to Africa.
• Che: “In fact, Beyoncé looked so white, that I was finally attracted to her!”
• Nice slam from Colin towards his wife Scarlett Johansson.
• Overall, yet another solid joke swap from these guys, and the fact that they had some random old lady there listening to all of this made it even better.
Sketch: Boogie Woogie Santa
A man rejects the cure for sickle cell anemia in favor of a Boogie Woogie Santa toy.
• Andrew, Molly, Punkie, and Michael all get lead roles here? Am I in an alternate universe???
• The Boogie Woogie Santa is voiced by JAJ, yet another example of how important he is to the current cast.
• This type of performance is what I like to see from Kate, with no bug-eyed mugging or annoying voices to be found.
• Funny twist where Kenan’s character swaps the cure for sickle cell anemia for the Santa toy.
• Even Kenan isn’t as annoying here. See what happens when you make him cut back on his shouting?
• You can briefly see the cue cards in one shot of Molly and Andrew. This was surprisingly left in the YouTube upload.
• I love Andrew’s line about not needing the cure for sickle cell anemia because his whole family is white.
• The visual of a “tortilla blanket” is pretty funny.
• Even when you know what’s coming, Punkie’s tear jerking speech about needing the cure for her mother and then immediately grabbing the doll was great.
• Kenan: “Hey, look at me. I’m a little burrito! Hola, I’m so cozy!”
• A nice bizarre little sketch. I wish I knew who wrote this. I’m guessing it was Andrew because he’s in it and it seems like something he’d write, but I’m not sure.
Musical Performance: “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”
Sketch: Cinema Classics
• NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not even going to bother with the description here, because I have no interest in watching another one of these godawful Cinema Classics sketches.
Sketch: Whiskers R’ We
The latest cats up for adoption during the holiday season.
• This is surprisingly the only recurring character of Kate’s to return in this episode. Not that I’m complaining, because I really didn’t need to see Collette Reardon or her many male politicians again.
• Billie Eilish: “A cat is a dog that’s a bitch!”
• Kate is already making Eilish crack up.
• While this isn’t one of my favorite recurring sketches, I am a cat person, so hopefully I’ll get to see some cute kitties.
• Kate: “Jeffrey here is an Abyssinian, as in, Abyss-seein’ him in Hell for scratching my couch!” A really lame pun, but I still laughed.
• I liked Kate referring to the cat in the Santa hat as a “home wrecking whore”.
• The usual “lol lesbian” jokes that these sketches bombard us with aren’t as annoying this time. It helps that they’ve been kept at a minimum so far.
• I find the cats constantly interrupting the sketch with their meows to be really charming.
• Not a fan of the “Claw and Order” puns. At least the calico they’re showing is extremely cute.
• Random twist where it turns out that Eilish’s character is actually Kate’s daughter.
• Eilish almost loses it when a guinea pig won’t stop making noise.
• Overall, I’m surprised at how much I liked this. Did it really need to be five minutes long, though?
Cut for Time: Paperless Post
Paperless Post will take care of those who refuse to respond to you.
• Heidi is really good as the spokeswoman.
• Good to see Punkie with a lead role.
• “RSVP OR WE’LL KILL YOU” is such a great thing to put on a message.
• The various disturbing messages that are gradually popping up are amazing. My favorite is the “Paperless Severed Finger”.
• I love Marcello’s reaction to the “Paperless Your Car Explodes”.
• Funny sudden appearance from a bunch of wild dogs that come and attack James.
• Heidi, in the most cheerful voice ever: “Paperless Post; we can do this the easy way, or we can destroy you.”
• Overall, a great dark masterpiece. This should have been in the live show instead of that Cinema Classics bullshit.
Final thoughts: While not as bad as I was expecting a Kate McKinnon-hosted episode to be, it wasn’t anything special. I admire the restraint she had in not dressing up as a man at all, and she did impress me in a few sketches. And the less said about Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig taking up too much airtime with their tired and unfunny antics, the better. Overall, a big step down from the awesome Christmas episode we had last year.
Best sketches: Pongo!, Joke Swap, Boogie Woogie Santa, Whiskers R We, Paperless Post (Cut)
Worst sketches: Monologue, ABBA Christmas, Tampon Farm, Cinema Classics
Next review: Jacob Elordi/Reneé Rapp
This review is dedicated to my Aunt Amy’s cat Rocky. I miss you, little buddy…
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