Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…
“I’m rather ashamed to admit that I owned Bratz “Boyz” dolls when I was four years old. What? Why are you giving me those funny looks?” (from Selena Gomez/Post Malone, 2022)
Cold Open: MSNBC Report
The news keeps getting interrupted by ridiculous Trump stories.
• Sarah looks downright uncanny as Rachel Maddow. Her voice, however, sounds nothing like her, and the shitty dialogue doesn’t help, either.
• “Woke Sheldon”? Who writes this nonsense?!?
• Ha ha! They just cut to Andrew as Chris Hayes instead of Sarah! Get it? Because Rachel Maddow looks like a man!!!! Herp-a-derp!!!!
• The running “gag” with Marcello as Ari Melber responding with rap lyrics is awful.
• Another baffling attempt at a running gag is this bizarre thing with Stephanie Ruhle (Chloe) flirting with Maddow. I don’t know who this is for, but it certainly isn’t funny.
• Ha ha ha! Trump just mentioned…ugh, the “Rizzler”! It’s funny because he would never do that! Laugh, you sheeple! Laugh!!!!
• This is the only physical appearance JAJ makes in this entire episode! Why do you hate him so much?!??
• *Bowen enters as George Santos and I break into a million pieces* WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!!????????? WHY WHY WHY??!!!???????????? WHY HAVE THEY BROUGHT BACK THIS GODAWFUL “IMPRESSION” AGAIN????? HE’S NOT EVEN IN OFFICE ANYMORE!!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE BOWEN YANG SO MUCH IT’S UNREAL AREJAUWGRKEJRVRVRBRRMRIEVRFWAL AS DVEJELENRRCRHEIEJEBEVEVEJWOWMWCJEYEUEDNRVEHROEIEVENEEKEU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• *deep breaths* I’m back…sorry about that. I promise not to do that again. It’s just that Bowen Yang really brings out the worst in me.
• TLDR: This show fucking sucks.
Monologue
Dave Chappelle does the longest monologue ever!
• Apparently Lorne wanted Chappelle to host the first episode after the election again, but he refused on the basis that it was “way too soon” to be making jokes about it. I don’t blame him, to be honest. I would have rejected that episode too if I saw that Godawful cold open!
• Dave takes the time to talk about some friends of his who were affected by the awful wildfires in LA, which is a really nice gesture.
• I like the line about how West Hollywood was unaffected because you can’t burn what’s already flaming.
• I’d honestly forgotten about Luigi Mangione until now, and this episode aired only a few months ago! Just goes to show you how quickly the news changes.
• I even laughed at the line about Trump asking the Mexican relief workers to leave when they’re done putting out the fires.
Sketch: Immigrant Dad Talk Show
Yay! I love recycling!!!
• Was anybody asking for the return of this forgettable sketch from the Ramy Youssef episode? But we have to cater to Marcello’s camwhore fans, so let’s bring this back!!!
• I hadn’t yet reached my breaking point with Marcello when the original sketch aired. That moment is long past us now, and I’m finding his routine even worse in this one.
• That TikTok pun was so hacky.
• More recycling!!!! Mikey is the guest once again, and they do the same joke where he doesn’t know how to greet one of the hosts properly.
• Chappelle is at least having a great time, and he does have a couple funny lines here and there.
• Are you shitting me? They even do the same overreaction to Mikey kissing his son?!??? This really is just a copy-and-paste sketch.
• The addition of Chloe as the mother does nothing to help.
• Somehow, that was even worse than the first time they did this sketch. I’m hoping it doesn’t come back, but you never know with this era.
Sketch: Evacuation Alert
A family tries to evacuate during the LA wildfires.
• SNL’s getting good mileage out of the wildfires, I see.
• It saddens me that most of JAJ’s airtime lately has just been his voice or his Trump impression. Why are they so afraid of using this wonderful performer?
• Dave is giving this role his all! I was won over as soon as he smashed the wall containing his secret money vault open.
• Special credit must also go to Ego and Devon, especially Ego, who gives one of her best performances in a long time.
• Out of nowhere, this turns into a blood-spurting sketch when a Bosnian terrorist enters the house and gets shot by Chappelle.
• Chappelle, trying to get his wife to take a thumb drive: “Stick it in your cooch!”
• I like how he randomly has French people hidden in a cupboard.
• This sketch even manages to make Chappelle committing animal abuse funny.
• Ego: “I knew I should have stayed a lesbian like I was in college.”
Musical Performance: “Yeah Glo!”
Weekend Update (featuring Michael Longfellow and Nosferatu)
• That video of Joe Biden getting knocked off of his bike always makes me laugh.
• I don’t know why, but I thought the line about Mark Zuckerberg being a “Puerto Rican gigolo” was pretty funny.
• Che’s joke about a Bill Clinton airship being covered in seamen was juvenile but funny.
• First appearance of Longfellow at the desk in a long time.
• Today, he’s here to talk about the impending ban of TikTok in America. I personally couldn’t care less because I don’t use TikTok, but let’s see if he can make this entertaining.
• Already a big laugh when he claims that Jesus came from China. As he says, “I thought he was Middle Eastern, but I saw it on a TikTok!”
• “Oh no! China knows I like thicc Latinas!”
• I love the part where he tries to “swipe” Che away like a TikTok video.
• Overall, I still don’t understand why SNL doesn’t give this guy more chances. He’s funnier than either of these bozos!
• Colin tries something different with a new segment called “Hear Me Out”, regarding his thoughts on AI-generated child p0rn. It’s pretty good, to be honest.
• Sarah shows up as Nosferatu. Gee, I wonder what’s gonna happen???
• Oh, wow! She just insulted Colin! What a twist!!!
• It’s official. I am completely over Sarah Sherman. What was once a daring, bizarre performer is now just a trend-chasing hack.
• Despite the horrible way it ended, this Update was pretty solid for the most part once they got away from the political jokes. They even end on a classy note by telling us where we can donate to the victims of the wildfires.
Sketch: Police Station
A man requires help in locating his missing girlfriend.
• Devon’s great night continues.
• Shockingly, this is the first we’ve seen of Kenan in this episode. I didn’t even realize it was him at first when I initially watched this episode.
• This, in my opinion, is how to properly utilize Kenan at this point of his tenure. He doesn’t talk a whole lot and mostly spends the time making hilarious faces in reaction to what Devon says.
• I like when Devon says that his girlfriend has a beautiful soul in response to Kenan holding up a shoe.
• I like the artist’s depiction of his girlfriend that Bowen draws, looking more like a little girl instead of a presumably older woman.
• I honestly forgot how funny this sketch was. Not even Chappelle’s suspicious absence could ruin my enjoyment.
Musical Performance: “Watchu Kno About Me”, “Let Her Cook”
Film: Pop the Balloon
Silky and Beautiful attend a YouTube dating show.
• Nice use of pretty much the entire female cast. Plus it gives us some nice eye candy.
• Heidi, when discussing why she popped the balloon: “He said he likes to cook, and I really don’t like the smell of food.”
• I like Devon’s Instagram handle: “BigD - LittleP”
• Ashley’s airheaded portrayal of her character is brief, but funny.
• Chappelle and special guest Donnell Rawlings reprise their old Chappelle’s Show roles of Silky Johnson and Beautiful. I have no idea who these characters are, but the fact that one of them is named Silky is already making me laugh.
• Jane: “I’m sorry, are you some sort of sex trafficker?” Silky Johnson: “I don’t do traffic. I take helicopters, bitch!”
• Great part where Silky hands GloRilla another balloon just so he can pop it in her face.
• Rawlings’ brief appearance as Ashy Larry at the end is a great way to end this sketch, and the episode.
Final thoughts: I really enjoyed that episode. While not as strong as the last time he hosted, this definitely stands out as a bright spot in this awful season. Also, there were surprisingly few sketches here, because of how astronomically long that monologue was.
Best sketches: Monologue, Evacuation Alert, Police Station, Pop the Balloon
Worst sketches: Cold Open, Immigrant Dad Talk Show, Nosferatu commentary
Next review: Timothee Chalamet
