Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is:
“McKinnon shows up to make my ears bleed as Little Orphan Annie, singing a song about Mike Bloomberg to the tune of “Tomorrow”. I bet Stooge is going to love this sketch.” (from John Mulaney/David Byrne, 2020)
Cold Open: Church Chat
Our old friend the Church Lady is back to chat with some more weirdos.
• Well, this is a surprise! I never thought we’d see another Church Chat!!! But since Dana’s been living at Studio 8H this season, I guess they decided to take the plunge?
• Dana looks even more like an old biddy now that he’s aged. Unfortunately, his age also means that he can’t really do the voice that well anymore.
• 2024 is “the most Satanic year in history”? Damn right!
• Ugh, more Wicked references. Spoiler alert, there’s more coming up later in the show…
• Church Lady: “You know who’s the best carpenter? Jesus!” I could have done without her singing that Sabrina Carpenter song, though.
• NOOOOO!!!!! Not Sarah’s Matt Gaetz “impression” again!!!!
• Sarah’s going heavy on the mugging, even blatantly calling attention to it at one point.
• The “You had me at seventeen” joke was just awful.
• WTF??!!?? David Spade as Hunter Biden????
• This “tell, don’t show” style of writing really hurts these cold opens. Witness Spade’s line about how people only went after him because of his last name, “and because of all the illegal things I did”.
• Surprised it took Dana a few minutes to say “Well isn’t that special?”
• I don’t know who Juan Soto is, but Marcello is using the EXACT. SAME. VOICE. Jesus Christ, man, can you show a little more effort???
• I like the “Satan Had A Good Year” song at the end.
• A sad, limp revival of a classic recurring sketch. Maybe I would have liked it better if Dana hasn’t constantly been making cameos this season?
Monologue
Paul Mescal talks about his comedy stylings and clears up some nasty rumors about the Irish.
• No idea what to say about the montage of him getting emotional in his films.
• A reference to that U2 album on iTunes? Wow, way to keep up with the times, SNL. That album came out…TEN YEARS AGO!!!!! The Amazing World of Gumball beat you to it!
• When it comes to Irish hosts clearing up stereotypes about themselves, this feels like a ripoff of Gabriel Byrne’s monologue from 1995, except we don’t get Colin Quinn and Fred Wolf dancing in the background.
• Marcello’s bit at the end is just unnecessary. It’s another instance of him just being thrown in to capitalize on his popularity with the ladies.
Sketch: Earring
Parents overreact when their son comes home with an ear piercing.
• Nice to see Emil get a lead role.
• I have a feeling that Mescal’s hat was supposed to be covering the piercing entirely, because the other characters act so surprised when it’s revealed, even though you can clearly see it before he takes the hat off. Maybe something got lost in translation?
• We’ve barely seen Heidi all season, but this sketch has her regressing into some of her worst habits. She’s overly shouty, especially compared to Emil’s more restrained performance.
• Again with the bisexual jokes?
• I liked what this was going for, but I think it needed someone else in the mother role, or at least given Heidi better direction.
Film: Gladiator Twosical
Based on the success of Wicked, the producers of Gladiator II have decided to make it a musical!
• More shilling for Wicked, I see.
• Having not seen either of these movies, I have little interest in the main joke of this sketch. The Broadway fags in the audience and on the writing staff are probably eating it up, though!
• My biggest problem with this, though, is that it just feels way too bland. Even compared to something like that gritty Mario Kart trailer from a couple seasons ago, it feels like nobody working on this had any passion. It’s just, hey, there’s a couple of really popular movies out right now and we can profit off of them by pretending to parody them and we’ll get a lot of positive press!!!!!
• Compare this with something like the iconic and heartbreaking “Love Is A Dream” short film, and you’ll see how far this show’s standards have fallen. That felt like it was made by people who cared, and this bland piece of shit musical was made by people who only want brownie points from the legacy media for referencing a popular thing.
• I know, I’ve spent waaaaaay too long complaining about a seemingly-harmless sketch, but that’s just the way I feel.
Sketch: Italian Restaurant Commercial
Two actors go off script during a film shoot.
• Holy cow, Mikey still exists! He didn’t appear at all in the previous episode, for some reason.
• Ashley gets a big role, too! Now all we need is for Jane to get one and all three newbies will have one in this episode!
• One thing I haven’t missed from Mikey’s absence last time was the usual over explanation that his characters like to do.
• I’m loving all the bad pasta puns.
• I love Paul telling Ashley she’s going to get punched in the face if she makes another pun.
• For such a dumb sketch, this was actually pretty funny.
Please Don’t Destroy: Paul Mescal Is Daddy
Paul Mescal shares his dream life with the boys.
• I honestly forgot these guys were in this episode.
• I feel like we haven’t seen them in their usual office setting in forever.
• Kind of like the one that got cut from the last episode, this has a nice mix of charm and laughs.
• The random gunfight near the end is amazing.
• Sadly, as of this writing, we haven’t seen another Please Don’t Destroy film. If this does end up being their last, then the shot of Paul gently tucking the guys into bed is a fitting and heartwarming end to their time on the show.
Sketch: All Male Revue
A historically-accurate striptease ruins a perfect night out.
• *looks at title of sketch* Uh-oh, I’m getting a bad feeling about this…
• Heidi’s airheaded delivery of “I like guys” was kind of funny.
• *sigh* More reacting-and-explaining. We can see what’s happening for ourselves, thank you!!!!
• Another laugh from Heidi saying that she can’t wait to see the “booty”, if you know what I mean.
• Our latest example of Mikey failing at a British accent.
• James’s voice is perfect.
• Marcello’s costume reminds me of Captain Feathersword from The Wiggles, for some reason. Unsurprisingly, the audience goes nuts when he declares that he is going to take his shirt off.
• Thankfully, he gets thrown overboard immediately after that.
• Chloe: “I think they threw the sick one out to sea.” NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
• Nice effects work with Emil’s peg legs.
• I think Paul screwed something up when he throws Heidi overboard. You can see Heidi bounce when she hits the ground, and the water comes from somewhere that’s nowhere near where she landed.
• A horrible mix of Jimmy Fowlie-brand homoeroticism and Seiday overexplanation. Pick your poison!
Musical Performance: “Good News”
Weekend Update (featuring A Mom Who’s Son Just Got Famous)
• Rather refreshing that we’re not starting with Trump jokes. Instead, we have a series of good jokes about the Luigi Mangione case, which I had honestly forgotten about until now.
• My favorite joke was the one about how hard it is to find a murderer on a Port Authority bus.
• Call me insane, but I actually laughed at a “seen here” joke!
• I genuinely laughed out loud at the joke about Biden going to Africa just to visit “his friend Barack”. Sadly, Che has to ruin it once again by uttering that annoying “It’s the 90’s” bullshit!
• Um, Colin, you do realize that Sprint Wireless doesn’t exist anymore, right?
• There are some good jokes in here. If only they would stop laughing at them all the time!
• Our latest annoying Update commentary from Heidi. This time, she’s some woman with a son (Marcello) who just got famous.
• The writer’s guide I use doesn’t say who wrote this, but judging by the fact that Heidi is in it, and coupled with the voice she’s doing, makes me think it was Jimmy Fowlie.
• This was a pretty strong Update by recent standards, except for that commentary.
Sketch: Brilliant Lawyer
Mr. Landon supposedly has multiple foolproof plans to defend his employee.
• Amazing sight of Paul wearing a Devo hat and a false beard.
• Another amazing sight of the entire courtroom wearing the same outfit.
• Andrew is killing me here! This just has to be a sketch that he wrote!
• Fantastic part where everyone “shuffles” around to confuse the court.
• Bowen: “Your client is not a buff, African-American man!” Bowen’s performance as the judge is surprisingly good. That line in particular was really funny.
• Andrew: “If we win this case, I will give you ORAL!!!”
• I had completely forgotten how hilarious this was. Andrew’s comedic voice has been mostly absent up to this point, and I’m glad to see it again.
Musical Performance: “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”
Sketch: Spotify Wrapped
A group of friends discusses their Spotify Wrapped, whatever that is.
• Andrew’s line at the beginning about Ira Glass was hilarious and random.
• Time for more “fellow kids” material.
• Paul just sounds so weird having to say all this millennial dialogue.
• Well, one step forward for Bowen in the last sketch, and we’re ten steps backwards with this one. I sense Jimmy Fowlie again.
• This is pure comedy cancer. I know I say that a lot, but I’m serious! Just watching anything with Bowen Yang is enough to give me cancer!
• Now we get an unwelcome cameo from some fat woman named Trisha Paytas. Who is Trisha Paytas? I don’t know, but apparently she’s some big shot in the podcast community.
• I could go on and on about how horrible this sketch is, but I recommend reading Blood Meridian’s review, because he sums it up much better than I ever could. TLDR: SNL really needs to stop appealing to millennials.
Sketch: BuzzFeed Red Carpet
SNL tries to cash in on that Bob Dylan film.
• Really? More social media garbage???
• Chloe’s Timothée Chalamet impression makes yet another unfunny appearance. Stop trying to push this like it’s an “iconic” impression that people will remember years from now.
• Enough with the “brat summer” references!
• Things start to pick up a bit when James enters as Bob Dylan. Unlike Chloe, this is an impression that I want to see more of!!! Even funnier, he’s actually in the movie this is making fun of.
• Andrew doesn’t really sound a lot like Bruce Springsteen, but he makes up for it by having funny dialogue.
• Paul’s impression of Bono is also spot-on and hilarious.
• I actually did laugh at Heidi clarifying that BuzzFeed legally requires her to ask the “brat summer” question.
• This part with Bono whining about climate change is so accurate.
• If it wasn’t for Chloe being annoying, I would have liked this even more.
Final thoughts: Despite having never heard of him before, I thought Paul Mescal was a really funny host who made a somewhat bland episode better with his presence.
Best sketches: Italian Restaurant Commercial, Paul Mescal Is Daddy, Brilliant Lawyer
Worst sketches: Cold Open, All Male Revue, Spotify Wrapped
Next review: Chris Rock/Gracie Abrams
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