Today’s Retro Decimator Quote is…
“The line where he confuses NBC for STDs (it makes sense in context) was funny.” (from Dan Levy/Phoebe Bridgers, 2021)
Cold Open: Crime Stories with Nancy Grace
Nancy Grace investigates the UnitedHealthcare CEO’s murder.
• Really? People still care about Nancy Grace? This would have been a great sketch in…2005!
• Sarah isn’t even trying to imitate Grace’s voice, just doing her usual shouty voice but with a Southern inflection.
• No comment on that “Game over, Luigi” joke, which features the Mario death sound because someone at SNL has a weird Mario fetish. Is MovieBob working there?
• Ugh, Sarah’s going really hard on the mugging and silly pronunciations.
• Ashley shows up for like ten seconds only to be cut off by Sarah.
• Is Marcello intentionally trying to blow out my eardrums? Someone needs to tell him to tone down the yelling shtick.
• Kenan’s appearance here just made me realize that he was barely in the last episode.
• Every time Sarah says “crountry”, a part of my soul dies.
• I refuse to say anything more about this poor attempt at satire, so let’s just move on.
Monologue
Chris Rock does standup about Trump, Biden, and Mike Tyson getting his ass kicked by Jake Paul.
• Great point about how no one would care about Luigi Mangione if he looked like Jonah Hill.
• Chris, speaking about Jake Paul: “Who’s he gonna beat next? Morgan Freeman?”
• I love the line about Elon Musk having more kids than the entirety of the Cleveland Browns.
• This was a huge step up from his last monologue. So many funny lines, even the Trump ones!
Sketch: Mall Santas
Nobody wants to sit with a black Santa.
• As soon as they revealed the two Santas, I knew exactly what the joke was going to be.
• Good laugh from Andrew claiming that his family is Jewish when he’s being pressured to choose a Santa.
• What a waste of James. His Santa doesn’t get to speak.
• Devon: “‘Blanta’ is not a thing, please do not call me that!”
• I love how Chloe immediately chooses the black Santa after being told there is also a queer, female Santa.
• Great ending with Emil as an Arab Santa.
Sketch: Simpsons Christmas Gift
A man imagines what his life would be like as a Simpsons character.
• I refuse to believe that picture came from the app that turns you into a Simpsons character. It looks too good for that.
• “Susan Wheels”? Who comes up with this stuff?
• I wonder who drew the scenes in Chris’s “episode”?
• Chloe’s Marge impression is pretty lousy, but I still laughed.
• This wasn’t too bad for what it was. I honestly didn’t remember laughing at it.
Film: Grandpa’s Magic Car
A racist car refuses to let black people inside.
• “Did the car just start on its own?” Thanks, Chloe, we can see that.
• Wow, the car won’t let any of the black people in. What a hilarious and unexpected twist!
• Half of the dialogue in this sketch is just everyone explaining to us what’s happening. We have fucking eyes!!! You don’t need to explain everything to us!
• And now the car just smacked Chloe on the ass with its door (which Chloe helpfully points out). Get it? Because all men in the 50’s were sexist!!!
• The part with the radio repeating “White…power!” over and over is so hacky.
• “Kerbie’s…sorry?” Uh, yeah, ya THINK?!!?? I couldn’t tell by the grille on its front “frowning”.
• To make this even more hacky, we have that stupid overused twist ending where this is revealed to be an ad for Lyft. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!
• Just about the only interesting thing about this sketch is that the car they used (which is a vintage 1953 Chevy Bel Air) was sold on Facebook Marketplace not long after this aired.
Sketch: Sexual Harassment Charlie
Creepy old Charlie is being fired for sexual harassment once again.
• Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! They’re doing this shit again for the first time in SIX YEARS??!!???
• Just to show you how long it’s been, that was long before JAJ, Sarah, or any of the Season 48 newbies were hired.
• All I have to say about this one is that it sucked just like the first two times they did it.
Musical Performance: “That’s So True”
• Fun fact: Would you like to know why this lady has a career? It’s because her father is J.J. Abrams!!!! You know, that really shitty director!
Weekend Update (featuring A Bald Guy and Jane Wickline)
• I like how we’re not starting with Trump jokes for the second week in a row.
• There’s some great stuff in here, especially the part complaining about people leaving behind one-star reviews on Yelp for the McDonald’s where Mangione was caught.
• Never seen that particular photo of young Colin before.
• Michael Che just keeps getting more and more smug with each passing episode. Can someone tell him to stop laughing at everything? Oh, and can they also ask him to stop saying “It’s the 90’s”???
• That Ruth Bader Ginsburg joke was so groanworthy.
• After surprisingly getting a laugh from one last week, we’re back to the “seen here” jokes being annoying and unfunny.
• For the first time in what seems like years, we have an Andrew commentary! YES!!!
• In this one, he’s playing a bald guy. Between this and that song about bald guys from a few episodes ago, somebody on the writing staff seems to have baldness on their mind.
• This is the type of stupid, but funny humor that Andrew excels at. I wish he got more chances to show it off.
• The part where he covers his head with his turtleneck has me in stitches.
• This is the best commentary we’ve had in a long time.
• Jane Wickline’s third commentary in the last few episodes. I don’t know why she’s been getting all these commentaries while Ashley Padilla hasn’t gotten a single one.
• All of this Sabrina Carpenter pandering the show’s been doing this season is really stupid. No offense to Jane, because she seems like a nice girl, but this wasn’t the best use of her talents, whatever those may be.
Sketch: Gallbladder Surgery
“Wacky” shenanigans occur during surgery.
• The reveal of Sarah as a “wacky” character already sets a bad tone for the rest of this sketch.
• Would it surprise you at all to know that this was written by Jimmy Fowlie?
• “Lizlie”? “Aloysius Cooter”? God, these names just keep getting worse.
• Suddenly we have a cameo from Adam Sandler. Can we go a single episode without a gratuitous cameo???
• I am at least happy to see Sandler on the show again. He hasn’t appeared since the second At Home episode.
• Aaaaaaaaaaand this is now a blood-spurting sketch. You know how much I love those, right?
• I like how Sandler isn’t even trying to hide the hose he’s squirting the blood from.
• And now he just broke the fourth wall for some reason. Why? I dunno.
• Oh, I almost forgot. Sarah is trying not to break during this chaotic scene. Save that shit for backstage!
• What a horrible mess, and not just the bloody parts! This shouldn’t have even made it to air. And couldn’t they have given Adam Sandler a better role than a fucking corpse?
Musical Performance: “I Love You, I’m Sorry”
Film: Office Christmas Party Extravaganza
How to spice up your boring old party at the office!
• A great concept, and it reminds me of the classic Kickspit Underground Festival sketches. (“Imma live forever!”)
• Lots of crew member cameos here.
• JAJ’s narration is hilarious!
• I love the face on the guy who drinks the beer.
• I’m getting more laughs from the narration than the sketch itself, but this is still really good.
• My biggest laugh was somewhat unintentional, but I love how obvious the stunt double is when Mikey falls off the table.
Sketch: Blind Date
A woman’s blind date gets ruined.
• Michael: “I’ll be back with a menu when I feel like it.”
• I feel like we rarely see Ego play this type of role. It’s a welcome change from her usual sassy black woman types.
• Chris’s constant requests to have sex in the car would be annoying in any other sketch, but that’s kind of the point here.
• Kind of a bizarre ending where Ego prefers Chris over the guy she was actually supposed to meet.
• A nice, low-key way to end the show.
Final thoughts: While not perfect, this episode was tolerable. Probably Chris Rock’s best hosting stint since his first.
Best sketches: Monologue, Andrew’s commentary, Office Christmas Party Extravaganza
Worst sketches: Cold Open, Grandpa’s Magic Car, Gallbladder Surgery
Next review: Martin Short/Hozier
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