Cold Open: CNN Inside Politics
Democrats try to hype up Biden.
• The top comment on the YouTube upload is “Probably the worst Gavin Newsom impression ever attempted”. It’s such a shame to see Longfellow stuck in these pathetic clout-chasing cold opens.
• While it is kind of refreshing to see them attempt to satirize Biden for a change, it’s still extremely boring. And in the end, it doesn’t matter, because he eventually dropped out of the race.
Monologue
Sydney Sweeney talks about her personal life and dispels Internet rumors.
• Nice jab at her role in Madame Web.
• More corporate synergy when she talks about rumors of her working at Universal Studios.
• Pointless appearance from Glen Powell at the end.
Sketch: Detective Interns
Two “wacky” interns solve crimes within seconds.
• Already a huge groan from me upon the reveal of Chloe and Sydney’s characters.
• Has Sydney been taking lessons from Heidi? This character sounds exactly like a typical “vocal fry” role that Heidi would play.
• This premise is getting very old, very fast.
• I wonder whose photos they used to represent “Tony Benson” and his mother. Probably someone in the writer’s room.
• Ego’s line about liking “a little fruit in (her) salad” regarding Andy Cohen made me chuckle.
• What’s the deal with Mikey leaving the room after being told that you can take screenshots with Snapchat?
• At least the ending with Kenan’s OnlyFans picture was pretty funny.
Please Don’t Destroy: Gone Too Soon
The guys share their grief over a friend’s passing.
• Despite it just being a sketch, I like how genuinely upset they sound.
• Some laughs from the convoluted situation that resulted in their friend’s death.
• Yet another example of corporate synergy with the random Kung Fu Panda reference.
• Big laugh from the reveal that the guy’s name was “Buttcheek P. Rosenthal”.
• Sydney: “So I guess the ‘P’ stood for ‘penis’”? Martin: “No, it stood for ‘pagina’!!”
• That’s apparently JAJ doing Buttcheek’s voice in the video of the accident.
• The fact that we don’t actually get to see the video makes it even funnier.
• I love the various comments from famous people, especially the one from Malala.
• Once again, a nearly perfect sketch is ruined by the overdone cliche ending where this turns out to be an advertisement for Chef Boyardee. UGGGHHHH!!!!! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO KEEP DOING THAT???
Sketch: Air Bud
The school’s new star basketball player is Air Bud.
• Really? We’re doing a “cute animal” sketch?
• Sydney: “You’re so hairy. I love that! Are you Italian?”
• Sorry, but I don’t buy Ego as a high school student.
• As far as cute animal sketches go, this one is relatively harmless, but it seems kind of wrong to me that the main joke of this sketch is someone hitting on a dog. Doesn’t that kind of promote bestiality? Or am I just looking too far into it?
Sketch: Big Bench
A court show is derailed by the large amount of judges.
• The amount of cast members in this sketch is impressive.
• Sydney’s character’s name is “Ashley Jerns” and has a Southern accent??? *checks writer’s guide* Yup, this is a Kent Sublette sketch.
• Another pointless instance of Marcello being tossed into a sketch to make the ladies happy. You can hear a gal in the audience scream after he says his line.
• Surprised they didn’t go the easy route and cast Bowen as the gay judge. But, hey, I’m not complaining about getting to see Andrew in a sketch.
• Thankfully, Andrew isn’t queering up the role like Bowen definitely would have done.
• I groaned so loudly when Chloe entered as another Southern-accented character.
• How many times are we supposed to laugh at Kenan playing a sexual predator?
• What’s with the dog focus tonight? Apparently the Air Bud sketch wasn’t enough, because one of the judges is a sheepdog. PLEASE LAUGH AT THE CUTE ANIMALS, GUYS!!!!
• Ego: “Okay, I think we ordering lunch now.” Gee, thanks for explaining the joke, Ego!
• What a huge mess this sketch was.
Sketch: Bowen’s Straight
Asian Terry Sweeney reveals that his homosexuality was all just an act.
• A Bowen Yang showcase? You know how I feel about these…
• Interesting concept.
• Random Gina Gershon cameo. I would imagine it probably hurt him inside to have to pretend to kiss a girl.
• Big laugh from Bowen punching Marcello in the crotch.
• Bowen acting like a creep while he’s talking to Sydney is some of his greatest work in years. I wish we could see this side of him more often instead of acting like a stereotype.
• Pointless appearance from Marcello at the end, with predictable applause from the female audience.
• I’m surprised how much I liked this. It’s probably Bowen’s best sketch since, I don’t know, that one he did with Simu Liu in Season 47?
Sketch: Makeup Artists
Makeup artists have no sympathy for their customer’s feelings.
• The look of Sydney and Sarah’s characters is already making me worried. Sure enough, Jimmy Fowlie and Ceara O’Sullivan are credited as writers.
• Half of the dialogue from these two is just them saying “Shoot.”
• Surprisingly, Heidi is doing pretty well in this sketch. She’s actually making me feel sorry for her character’s situation.
• Aaaaand…the makeup ladies just keep saying the same thing over and over again.
• Ego: “I’m being respectful, but I’m feeling like I wanna kill you.” You said it!
• I think this YouTube comment sums this sketch up better than I ever could: “Shoooot. Shoooot. They forgot to write a punchline. Shoooot.”
Musical Performance: “Deeper Well”
Weekend Update (featuring Woman Who Is Aging Gracefully and Charlotte the Stingray)
• Michael Che and Colin Jost, seen here doing a joke format that was never ever funny, really need to find new material. This one starts off with numerous Godawful Mitch McConnell “seen here” jokes that get more and more hacky as they progress.
• Colin mistakenly says “NBA” instead of “ABC” while introducing the first commentary. I figured I would bring that up because it was far more amusing than the actual commentary itself.
• So who is the first guest? Ugh…yet another annoying and WACKEEEE character played by Heidi and written by Jimmy “James Anderson, Jr.” Fowlie. Every second of this is pure cringe. Heidi is great and all, but I wish she would stop doing characters like this.
• The “Nick Cann Un” joke admittedly made me laugh.
• That joke about the owl’s death was just wrong. Why do these guys love making cruel jokes about animals dying?
• We follow that with another joke about animals dying with the “Puppy Grave, IN” joke, which is then turned into yet another slam at McConnell.
• As soon as I heard that the next guest was “Charlotte the Stingray”, I knew it would be Ego. Sure enough, there she is. I’m getting sick and tired of these stupid costume commentaries where they dress somebody up in a “silly” outfit (usually Bowen or Ego) and have them talk about their sex life or whatever. That’s basically all we’ve had in the past few months on Update.
Sketch: Hooters Waitresses
A new waitress at Hooters overshadows all the others.
• Yeah, that’s right. They’re actually resorting to putting the female cast in Hooters outfits to keep us from changing the channel.
• I groaned so loud when Bowen entered in a Hooters outfit, with thunderous applause from the audience.
• No comment on the scene where Sweeney pours beer down Andrew’s throat. This shit feels straight out of an All That episode.
• Is Mikey’s character supposed to be a reference to something? The way he says his lines about not wanting to be served by Chloe’s character are delivered in a very specific way, as if he’s imitating someone else.
• JAJ is perfectly cast as the Hooters owl. His dialogue, on the other hand? (“You are my Harry Potter, and this is your Hogwarts!”) All I have to say to that is READ ANOTHER BOOK.
Musical Performance: “Too Good to be True”
Film: Airbnb
Two gals promote their interior design company for Airbnbs.
• Been a while since Chloe Troast has had a showcase.
• A laugh from the creepy photo of the family “that actually lives here”.
• A lot of the humor here is kind of lost on me, as I’ve never been to an Airbnb before. Are any of these odd decor choices specific to an actual Airbnb?
• Chloe and Sydney waving at the camera in the toilet made me laugh.
• Nice example of “politically ambiguous” artwork: a sign that simply says “Lives Matter”,
• Pointless reference to that stupid Wonka Experience in Glasgow that everyone on Twitter was talking about at the time. Thank goodness they only did a reference to it here instead of making a whole sketch about it.
Sketch: Loud Table
A couple trying to have a nice date are constantly interrupted by noisy people at other tables.
• I already like where this is going as soon as I see Andrew with a lead role.
• Funny turn where it looks like Andrew is about to yell at the noisy assholes, but instead starts giving a sappy dramatic speech about how much he envies their friendship.
• I know this probably wasn’t intentional, but I’m actually finding this sketch kind of heartwarming. Who knew Andrew had it in him?
• Another random Glen Powell cameo, this time as Sydney’s character’s new boyfriend.
• The pathetic expression on Andrew’s face when Sydney leaves him is hilarious.
• Funny ending where Andrew is all by himself in the restaurant after he’s about to give another sappy speech.
Final thoughts: After last week’s surprisingly strong show, we’re back to basics here. Nothing too offensively awful here (except maybe the Heidi commentary), but unremarkable as a whole. Sydney Sweeney came in and did what she was asked, but didn’t really stand out a lot.
Best sketches: Gone Too Soon, Bowen’s Straight, Loud Table
Worst sketches: Makeup Artists, Heidi’s commentary, the sight of Bowen Yang in a Hooters outfit
Next review: Josh Brolin/Ariana Grande. I recall there being some absolutely horrid material in this one.
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